Be U: Adrenaline

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Adrenaline

When I look up adrenaline in the dictionary, epinephrine comes up.

Epinephrine means

Biochemistry . a hormone secreted by the adrenal medulla upon stimulation by the central nervous system in response to stress, as anger or fear, and acting to increase heart rate, blood pressure, cardiac output, and carbohydrate metabolism.

I think I lived a lot of my life on high adrenaline. I was always upbeat, highly alert and happy. My love of life and people and doing new things was a constant. I felt like I was always, at the very least, on the verge of fight or flight if not fully engaged. I think I believed (and part of me still does) I felt more alive and living when I was up and running; out and about; planning and building. Stillness to me was boring and not living.

What comes to my mind is a Cranial Sacral Therapist saying to me there is nothing more to life than this, than what we are doing, thinking and being. There is nothing else out there. This is life and living, right here; right now. Those words gave me a sense to stop trying so hard to achieve nothing; to stop wanting there to be more when there wasn't. To accept this as truth.

So, now it was time to come down off my almost constant adrenaline rush. It's time for me now to be with what is. To experience reality and allow valleys and peaks; laughter and quiet.

I sometimes function better in chaos. I sometimes feel more alive when I'm running around with too much to do. I almost feel proud that there is so much going on. When I tell people I'm relaxing and doing nothing - I feel less worthy. When I tell people I'm flying here or there - I feel more worthy. Sitting and doing nothing - not much to talk about it seems. Flying to see a friend or go on vacation or go to a conference - a whole lot more exciting.?

However, they are both living; are they not? Is the balancing of this like the Yin and the Yang. I remember going and going and going and then taking two days off to just lay around and sleep and eat. I did this for years. This was how I balanced it before I was a mom. After being a mom, it wasn't quite so easy to do either one. I let myself become unbalanced. I wouldn't say boredom was an option. Taking off at a whim was no longer an option for me either.

I want to accept life as it is. When my girlfriend asked me what do I want out of life not too long ago; I didn't have an immediate response. I told her I'd get back to her. I have not as of yet.

What I now know that I want out of my life is to share life. Share sitting around and doing nothing with flying to one of my favorite places. I want to do this whether I'm in pain or whether I'm feeling good. I want to let things be and do new things. I want to smile and laugh when I'm happy and cry or be down when I'm sad. I want to be honest with myself and others about who I really am. I want others to be plenty comfortable to share who they really are with me. Nothing more; nothing less. Connection to others might be the most important thing to me.

I also want to learn how doing whatever it is I want to do without turning my adrenaline so high. I can be on low adrenaline and still get the job done. I can be on low adrenaline and still be loving and lovable.

It is what it is and I accept this as life and living. Everything we need, we already have to be happy. Is it just a choice to be happy? If so, I choose happy right here, right now in this moment.

Are you with me?

No comments:

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!

Coming for the Real You.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Adrenaline

No comments:

Post a Comment