Be U: Ah, the Sun

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Ah, the Sun

Another day of sunshine. How lucky are we. I remember being in FL and the for the first time in my life wishing the sun to go in. Oh, sunny FL.

Here, I am not wishing the sun to go in. It is nice to see the sun. I thought, perhaps, it forgot about us here in Northeastern United States. But, nope, it's back!

The daffodils are out in full bloom and the yellow color with gold in the middle is beautiful. Nature surely can be beautiful. And, as we have all learned over the past, Nature can also be deadly.

Why is it as brilliantly good as something can be in our life - that same thing can be horrific. It seems the degree of 'good' can go to the same degree of 'bad'. Very interesting.

Like a relationship - it can give us such joy and happiness AND it can give us such heartfelt agony and pain. My home can give me so much security and comfort and it can give me so much concern and chaos.

All very interesting indeed.

Peaks and valleys. This is life. Our lives are full of peaks and valleys. When we are at the peak, oh it's so good. When we are at the valley, well, not so good.

I'd like to just let the valley that I am in to just be. That's what I'm trying to do. Just accept that it is here to teach me something and create goodness for my near future.

I am learning to trust the process of life. I'm allowing it. Because, in reality, what are my other options. To fight it, to hate it, to distrust it. Doesn't work so well for me.

So, as I trust the process of my life....May U trust the process of your life and allow it to just flow through U and create your life with U and around U and in U.

We are all on this journey of life. We all have our really wonderful moments and our really awful moments. May we learn that, perhaps, in reality, they are all wonderful moments. Because is it really possible to know great love without great heartache?

When I told myself I would never get another pet because the pain of losing them is just so great, I believed it. Then, later in my life, I realized that, yes, the pain is great (horrible even) - and the love, fun and joy last much longer and is so worth it. It all equals up to who we are.

We can get up and brush ourselves off and move on and live. Or we can stay down and stuck.

May U always find your way to move on and live.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!