Be U: One Year Today

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

One Year Today

Today is one year since I started this "Be U" Blog.

I saw the movie "Soul Surfer" this weekend. It was very inspirational, thought provoking and entertaining to me. I thought 'they' did a wonderful job with the story. I rate it a 5.

The movie was about the Hawaiian girl, Bethany Hamilton, whose love of surfing was threatened when a shark attacked and took her left arm while she was sitting on a surfboard in the ocean.

From the movie, I sensed a strong bond of community. I liked how I could see the people hearing and sharing what each other really had to say and what they felt and needed. I could feel the energy of love coming from the story. My heart became lighter. My connection to the world felt stronger.

It reminded me of my wedding in Kauai, Hawaii 20 years ago. The beauty of Hawaii is unmistakable.

I thought "Soul Surfer" was brilliant on many levels. When the words came up at the end of the movie -- "The End ... is just the beginning." I surely believe it can be so.

I am truly hoping that with the end of one year of blogging, I can choose to let go of what is hurtful to me and embrace what is only my true being. I am hopeful that this can be a new beginning for me to know joy, trust of oneself and fearlessness as I replace old patterns with new ones.

My wish is that we all know the sense of connecting to each other through our true selves and may we have faith that we are enough just by being ourselves.

I want to thank my friends, relatives, acquaintances and all the unknown people who have read my posts up to now. Your support and my connection to you in this way has helped me grow deeper than I knew possible. Knowing that you were here on the other end of my words encouraged, inspired and made it fun for me to explore my Be U-ness. I would be highly elated if I knew one post touched the fingers to your soul. (I find it extremely interesting how the word 'fingers' came up while typing this!)

My wish for you in this moment is that you choose to stay connected to your own needs and desires and you allow and support others to be who they truly are.

I know if we all did this; we could change our own world.

Are you willing to take the chance?

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!