Be U: Oh Irene

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Oh Irene

It is only raining here a bit outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA and they are WARNING about very high winds, very high tides and torrential rains. They are saying that there is possibility that electric can be out for 1 week to 10 days. WOW.

I pray that everyone is okay and that you find yourself with loved ones and in happy moments regardless of what is may be upon us.

I believe that what happens is going to happen whether I worry or not. There is no way for me to stop weather so I trust that I will be okay no matter what does or doesn't come about.

I am learning that I still am not owning and standing strong in my beliefs. I would want more than anything for my daughter to be home with me to ride the storm out. I got x-nayed (out voted using correct terminology) on this by my husband and daughter and she is over a friends house. I want to be stronger and get what I want especially when I truly believe it's the right thing for her.

We have a house full of relatives that live near the eastern coast and I am glad they are here and safe. They create joy and caring for me and I appreciate that it works both ways to have them here. I am glad and appreciative that I can share my home with them and that I have the space, food, water and safe shelter to share with them.

I see myself losing myself a bit and I want to do better and be with others and not lose myself.

So, all in all, so far, Irene has been a great learning opportunity for me. I see the me I no longer want to be AND I see a me that I love and am proud of too.

We will see what the next 12 hours brings and I truly believe this is God, the universe, whatever your greatest truth is, SCREAMING at us and pushing us to be, live, breathe and share our truest form of who we are through love and connection.

May we all be more aware of our inner self, our love and need of each other and our joy that, I believe, this connection can bring each and everyone of us.

May you allow your old 'guard' to wash away and allow and use every spectrum of the light to shine on you and through you to work the magic that is inside of you. I know it is there.

(whatever this means to you -- to me it means I wish to be the truest of true about who I am, what I feel, what I need, what I fear, what I like and my need for you to do/be/live the same through being/feeling/knowing/sharing yourself with me and all others in your life)

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!