Be U: For the Fun of It

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

For the Fun of It

I knew I had a guest that I was picking up and bringing to my home that may take more energy than I currently had. For the fun of it, I picked three Tarot cards* and, interestingly enough, below is what they represented.

1. Strength - 'This is a card of inner strength." "Her power, as is ours, is love." "Power comes when we love our selves, and to love our selves totally we must love our animal selves."

2. Six of Vessels - "The message reminds you that loving means to nurture and give what is needed." "However, love cannot be forced on someone; true love is to give what is needed to nurture and create strength."

3. The Star - "The star represents a secure guide to a higher level of consiousness. It is the Higher Self emerging from the unconscious. The Star indicates a sense of balance and of wellbeing." "It represents the nurturing of the Great Mother: of ourselves, and of others.

After a long overnight visit, I drove my guest 80 miles back to their home and I arrived home alone tired; I thought - 'why not - pick one more card for the fun of it'. This time the card was

4. Knight of Vessels - "The message here speaks of the attainment of emotional satifisfaction. But, when questing into emotions and the unconscious, do not go off foolishly into the depths." "Open your eyes to what is around you."

I got a laugh. I processed all this information and played with it and transposed it into this understanding for myself. It came out something like this: while I want to nurture and love others, I do not want to lose myself while doing so. I ended up giving more of myself and losing a healthy balance within myself; hence the message of going foolishly into the depths of another person's needs. My unconsious habit (of not saving enough reserved energy for myself) entering into my conscious mind is what will get me closer to living a healthier; happier, more fulfilled me. In turn, this will enable me to be the best nuturer I can be.

Whew. Perhaps, too much information!

May you turn some of your negative unconsious habits into your awareness so you can then choose what you want to do about them, if anything.

Picture by ImPerfec 3

*Tarot Cards by "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!