Be U: Chaos

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Chaos

Is there chaos among us or what? I know of so many people in strong and life changing processes in current life situations.

What an opportunity for change. Just look at United States government and some other governments. Whoa boy. I admittedly have not paid too much attention all these years of my life. I'm paying attention moreso now than ever. I seem to more easily connect. There is something quite uncomfortable about it to me. I can't quite pinpoint it in a few words. (I'm sure there are several more different blogs in and of themselves that I will leave for people that find it interesting and inviting.)

All the natural disasters that have been in the whole wide world. A lot of crazy and unusual disasters are also showing themselves.

Personal situations are hitting some of us on the head hard; we have no choice but to be aware and pay attention.

Is this a great opportunity for growth, change to a better way and live our true selves or what?

I do see wonderful things also like babies, young people finding each other and starting their lives together, success in marriages, people pulling together hearing and acknowledging each other's strengths and weaknesses. Support for all living creatures. More awareness of what we are eating on a knowing where it comes from scale. People wanting and demanding more peace, calm and togetherness in their lives.

Whew. Is this 2012 thing about our world ending as we know it -- is this signs of it.

Are we all just either choosing or being forced (may be more like it) to become more present in our lives.

My wish for the world is for us to see and learn what is not working for us and change it to what does work for us. My wish is for us all to have even more of what we like inside of ourselves and more understanding and love in our hearts for each other.

Do we all just want to be loved, heard, acknowledged and appreciated? Let's give this to each other. I believe it's certainly worth a try. Are you willing? I certainly am. I need it.

I choose to try my best to come from a place of trust and try not to buy into a place of fear that so many times wants to take a hold of me recently. I'd like to trust and enjoy the process of life on a much larger scale than fear it and/or be angry about it.

With technology pushing and carrying us forward (and driving me batty at times), is this creating a great opportunity for us all to connect, support and push and carry us together to connect to the beauty of truth that resides within and around us.

The sun has always been something we have always shared. Is it now time to share the warmth, love and deepest truth of each other. Could this be the true epiphany of living. I want it to be. Ha.

Epiphany - a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience (dictionary.com)

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!