Be U: Just a Normal Day

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Just a Normal Day

It's just a normal day in my life. I'm home with the dogs. Crystal, the cat just jumped up on my lap to remind me she is here.

The man of the house is working; the daughter of the house is doing her thing.

I'm doing the wash, emptying the dishwasher, eating, watching some tube. Can't go out for a walk today because we are having rain storms, one after the other. The news is reporting about evacuating the Jersey coast due to hurricane Irene threatening. Note: I am not a newswatcher, and when my sister calls me and tells me to put on the news - I listen.

I did sneak between the raindrops and went down to get the mail. oooo I had an 'outing' and I didn't announce it and I didn't check in with anyone... Oh boy! My mailbox is at the end of my driveway and it isn't just a few steps.

As I sit with all of this, I feel myself getting 'edgy'. This is a good sign.   A sign of discontent. I have an 'itch' starting that tells me it's time again to be more than a mom, a wife, a housekeeper.  I believe these 'titles' and what they represent are my backbone for living and extremely lovely and I want more and I need different.

There is a 'push' going on inside of me that is telling my legs to get on out that door and BE out in the world again as just me.

My daughter is plenty independent that it is not necessary for me to be mom all the time. My husband is away alot so I do not need to be wife all the time. My animals will not know what hit them when I stay out more than 4 hours at a time and they will be okay.

Gosh (did I just say 'gosh'?), I dislike very much admitting that this is what my life has come to. I chose it. I created it. I did want to be a stay at home mom.   It worked for me for 15 years or so. It is time to move onward, upward, forward and just SOMEWHERE other than where I am at.

So, as I'm living my 'normal' day, I feel a strong rustling inside that is a new feeling for me. Is it a 'ready' feeling. Is it a time to move in a new direction feeling. I think so.

Am I scared - you bet. Do I know I can do it - you bet.

I trust the process of life and I know I am enough to create whatever my heart desires and whatever I can dream up. I just have to paint a picture so to speak and bring it to life!  How exciting and 'out in the rain' this can be!

What is brewing inside of you today?

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!