Be U: What Time of Day (Night) is It

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, March 14, 2011

What Time of Day (Night) is It

I fell asleep early; now I'm awake early. One hour can make a difference on my 'schedule'. I love the fact that it is light longer into the night now. Losing an hour over the weekend was just a little tough and discombobulating for me.

My head registers and my eyes see the time on the clock; my body resists a wee bit. Yet, it easily becomes what is. It's amazing how we can change the clock all in unison so easily and, yet, loving and allowing isn't as easy at times.

I say take the ease of moving the clock forward/back one hour and learning from this uniform change and transferring this 'ease-ability' into our openness and understanding (or at least trying to) for each other and all our 'different' ways.

I have this belief/saying in my own-ness (is this a word); go ahead and do whatever it is that makes U happy as long as I can still be me. We have not walked in the path of anyone but ourselves. Is it possible to know how another should feel/act/be if we have not lived the exact experiences of that same person.

Can we somehow use the reality of forwarding our clocks this past weekend; going around the house and changing each and everyone that does not turn automatically; remind us how individual togetherness (on the same page-so to speak-in some manner) is perhaps the key to accomplishing large, positive results in making our world go round-so to speak-and work smoothly and with ease.

So to speak...

My wish for U is to be your individual self with the background thought of accepting what is, especially when U can't 'feel' it or 'know' it yourself.

Perhaps, as long we allow ourselves to be our true selves; we can allow others to be their true self through love.

Perhaps, BEING U is, in a very large part, the uniqueness that is the foundation of our togetherness, strength, and all that is.

Is it possible that Being U is the answer to the big question of life. What would life be like if we all believed that Being U through love and acceptance is what IS. Showing the world who we really are; the fears and dreams that come from deep within; is the answer to the question what is life all about; what are we here on Earth for; what is our reason for being. What if our reason for being was just to BE U. What if everything else fell into place around this.

I think this would be very cool, indeed.

We would still have moments of pain; have moments of pleasure and everything in between because this is what life is. To allow the moments to just be what they are and not run from them/hide them/fight too hard to change them but live through them truthfully and fully and in unison, at times, as we choose the action/direction that feels best for us to walk the path of our own true self.

Own our true self. What a concept.

Again, I'm not sure if this is brilliant recognition or babbling as I go off the deep end. IT IS MY TRUTH that I am trying to own.

ohhhhhh, scary

If I had to pick brilliant or over the top, which would I pick. Interesting question. I'd like to defer the answer for now. Ha.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!