Be U: End of Weekend

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

End of Weekend

Only two more weekends to go and we are heading back up north. A great weekend we had. Full schedule; fun schedule; daughter did great at the show; I survived 'camping' one more weekend and I am so grateful for being able to do it. I'm out of my element and I'm learning the ropes more each time I'm there. I'm glad we are doing it and I'm glad we are getting close to going home.

These people work at these horse shows work so hard. They are admirable in their dedication.

I'm tired just watching them all!

Another week starts and another week ends and the cycle of life continues bringing with it old, new, surprising and interesting moments.

I'm enjoying be in each moment as much as possible and allowing life to flow through me and around me.

The Beatles really were playing/given lyrics way in tune with the Universe, perhaps. "Let It Be".

I'm living 'Let It Be" me ('U') as seldom as possible and my world is changing. The true me is being shown to the world.

Some people don't know how to take me; and mostly all embrace me. I couldn't be happier to be me.

I believe there are alot, alot of levels in us all. Using the range of emotions/strength/insight/knowledge/truth and love within is living and this is what it's all about for me. Not trying to run from the 'ones' I do not like and trying not to emphasize or prolong what I do like.

Just LET IT ALL BE is truly IT for me today. There is a fulfilled sense of self in this and safety, trust, love of self spreads out into the world and anything truly is possible.

We all have IT in us. What if we all dared to be vulnerable, truthful of what we are from within, and always come a place of love for ourselves and all other living things. What if.

Are you showing the world the real, true and vulnerable U?

Vulnerable (dictionary.com)
capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt

Oh my, I don't quite like the meaning of this by the dictionary! My meaning of vulnerable is showing the side(s) of us that we have taken on as being weak, wrong, unlike anything the world has seen; or was told don't act/feel/think like that [by a person that was/is unable to handle it themselves]. Coming from a place of love and truth is always allowed. To be okay with sharing this part of ourselves that we bury because we don't want to be ridiculed or wrong in another's mind.

The people I want around me are the people that, although they may not understand or feel the same as me; they are open enough to allow me to be me and either question me, speak their mind, lovingly of course and support me nonetheless. I want people around me that will not ridicule me or tell me I'm wrong for feeling the way I truly feel. They can tell me they don't think the same. Just please don't tell me I am not allowed to believe/feel/think the way I do deep down inside.

We have not lived each others' life experiences. Until the day when we can feel/think/experience what each other has learned and developed in a lifetime in the very moment we are with each other; I'd love us all to just LET IT BE what it is.

Accept what is and live, share and be compassionate for each others' lives.

Sorry about being a long 'winded' and going on and on. This is an important one for me.

Hope, if U do think of me as going on and on; U can take what works for you (if anything) and, the rest; well, let it be.

HA.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!