Be U: Warmer in Valley Forge, PA than in Ocala, FL, USA

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Warmer in Valley Forge, PA than in Ocala, FL, USA

Presently, it is 41 deg F in my part of Pennsylvania then it is where I'm at in Ocala, FL. 41 deg. vs. 37. Almost unheard of in the winter months.

Everywhere, the weather is different than it has ever been to my knowledge. Climate, Temperature, Natural Disasters, Vast change in temperature from one day to the next. Is Someone trying to tell us something.

If I were to take a gander; I'd say 'Stop and Smell the Roses', so to speak. I hear so many of us stating how tired, worn out, too much to do, constant running is something that is part of daily living. Not too many of us are happy and content about it and too many of us are caught in the spiral of doing it anyway.

What has happened to sitting on the front porch and watching the grass grow; just being. I know with me, I fight the feeling of being able to feel 'important' when I'm laying in bed. I had put so much emphasis on 'living by doing things' that I almost forgot how to just live through sitting in a bed of flowers or on a log or laying with my feet raised.

Again, balance comes to mind. I have this thought that farmers would work real hard during daylight and then at dusk fortify themselves and rejuvenate by relaxing, playing a game (spending time in one room with family/friends), reading and resting/sleeping. Is this balance?

Alot of us know about working real hard during the day and then real hard at night until we plop on the bed and either find ourselves tossing and turning from still being 'on' or passing out from exhaustion. Do we act like this in hope to get ahead in the world. What are we getting ahead of. I'd like peace; contentment and joyfulness to be my hope to get out of each day AND to share peace, contentment and joyfulness. I wonder if I can start to think/act with this goal in mind how my life would change.

It's the most interesting thing where my brain/fingers lead me in these posts. I had no plan for this post just now and I'm wondering where these thoughts came from and even some of the words I've been using lately; I don't usually use them in person. Interesting.

My wish for U today is to know peace, contentment and joy from the actions U live and the thoughts U have.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!