Be U: Working On It

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Working On It

I'm working on how to put my experience into words. Not sure I can.....

There are some back to back interesting (I think) things that happened while my massage therapist and I were working. Don't forget, this one woman I work with is not an average masseuse. It's a little cranial sacral, little myofacial, shiatsu and completely spiritual; among other things. I always say 'she knows things - not sure what, but she knows things.

We had on the music channel - Soundscapes.

First one I remember is we were talking about persistence and patience and just then a song came on that came with the word peace in it. We laughed. Persistence and Patience may just lead to Peace.

Then, I was mentioning the feeling of these 'icebergs' throughout my body and what came on the screen was Winter Thawing into Spring. Again, we laughed and felt amazement.

She then was telling me that I should maybe watch Lord of the Rings. I have never seen it. can't make this stuff up -- but the word Gandalf came up on the screen. She laughed and said 'I guess you are supposed to watch the movie because Gandalf is one of the characters from Lord of the Rings.'

By this time, I'm pretty amazed at all the 'coincidences', 'signs', 'funny' things. I say outloud - I've had enough, can't do anymore and, I kid not, the TV channel turned itself off to another channel to record a daily recording that I have scheduled to record. This is what I know TVs used to do when recording. The correct channel needed to be on to record correctly. However, with DVR, this is not necessary. It can record two shows at one time. When I eventually got off the table (I was on it for a total 3 hours), I checked to see if it was recording two shows at least; it was not. I put the TV back to the music channel easily while it was still recording my show.

I also feel the need to mention that we did turn me over and she went to my back and 'beat me up' pretty good. Fear came up and it was like me saying 'no way - no how are you getting into that area'. (this is what happens with me, if it's too deep or hurts or I feel threatened, I get fearful.) She stayed with it and I was very numb to it. I couldn't relate other than with fear. (Hence, interesting to me that the doctor then went right to my back area to work with it the next day.)

Where do I go from here. No clue. Tired/exhausted/ears still ringing. BUT I'm hopeful and open and ready for whatever comes my way.

My wish for you is that you trust that you are exactly where you need to be today and that tomorrow is going to bring you closer to the U you truly are in an easy, smooth sailing kind of way. To the U that feels good because you got it or get it! All around connection to the total U and the people in your life.

I think life is about the process and the journey. May we all process and journey closer and closer to being ourselves; to Be U.

It's seems to be all about connection for me.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!