Be U: Today

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Today

My husband is coming in today from Canada. My daughter is going north for the weekend. Oh, the many possibilities!

I prepare for his arrival. I prepare for her departure. I don't know where I'm going with this information.   Apparently, nowhere! lol

I'm often in a state of flux, physically and mentally and emotionally. We have an Open House scheduled for our house in Pennsylvania on Sunday. We are breaking much of what was once "Shambala" down. Going through Christmas decorations via phone between myself and my great help which is my sister. I 'walk' through the whole house with her figuring what we are keeping, what we want to sell and what we will give to, hopefully, parties that need it the most.

Almost every 'piece' we discuss has sentimental value for me; what it represented, where I got it from and the wonderful memories that I have attached to much of the material things. I take these memories and place them gently in my heart and fill it up so I can take all the beauty of Shambala with me.

I'm realizing it was like a 'fortress' to me. A beautiful safe haven where every where I looked and stood, I was surrounded by things that made me feel comfortable, joyful and connected me to the beauty of it all and to the love of many living creatures. There is a memory with every single knob, handle, floor and ceiling beam for me.

My humanness surely finds comfort in color, flow of water, fish, animals, plants, green grass and beautiful big trees. My body sure enjoys sitting in comfortable chairs and being surrounded by things that just make life easier such as the recyclable bin that went from the house to the garage so I did not have to put my 'nose' out into the cold winter to recycle.   I feel very blessed and am proud of my creativity and my ability to make this happen; along with my husband's huge help and hard work.

I am finding myself bending to use the washer/dryer/refrigerator and stove here in the apartment. While they all work fine, there is something comfortable in having high, strong, quiet appliances that do make the human life easier.

I wish ease for every human in the way that ease matters to them most. For me it was being warm and cozy and having much comfort in the style and the use of everything I was able to think of.  Sharing what I had with my loved ones brought me extreme joy and fulfillment.

So, as I learn that my 'home' is inside of me and my peace and contentment come from within as well, I cannot discount that 'things' do make life less of a struggle. Even the carpeting in this current apartment, while new and just fine; I have learned that extra padding under the carpet makes it last longer in looking good and being comfortable. I have learned having a hot water line and not having to wait for hot water in any place of the house is quite comforting and creates much ease and saves water. Of course, to heat the water does not save energy. There is a constant payoff with everything.

Yin/Yang. Good/Evil. Happy/Sad   Up/Down    Comfort/Discomfort    I'm sure you understand and can come up with many opposites of your own that you have lived through, happily experienced and just barely survived!

With each of these experiences, we grow. Happy continued growing!

May you know that you deserve ease and may you open your heart to living in comfort; whatever this means to you.

I still totally believe, that when we share our truest of truths about ourselves with each other and support each other in doing so.... a nice, beautiful and loving balance can take place throughout all of our lives.

We have nothing to lose.   It is worth a try. Just Be U, lovingly, openly, truthfully and put out into the Universe what is deep within yourself and I believe the Universe/God/Creator will respond in your best light for your best life.

You deserve it. You are worthy. You matter. IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU PERCEIVE YOUR WORLD.   My wish for you is to perceive it in the best light you are able to today.

I need to recreate my perception almost by starting over. Oh, not easy. Oh, the possibilities.

May you allow the most bizarre, can't imagine it happening, and the happiest possibilities come your way and grab on and follow your passion in every step you take.

Go the road that makes you happiest through constant flow, trust and deepest inner knowing communication/connection with your heart, soul, mind and body all growing and creating together.

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!