Children

"On the other hand, children raised by extremely anxious parents who may be overprotective or overbearing will absorb that anxiety.  the same goes for children who are raised by parents who are uninvolved.  In both cases, these children worry more about the environment than about themselves.  They "learn" early on that their welfare depends o a stable environment.  So naturally, these children (and later adults) work very hard to make sure the environment is "just so" in order to feel stable and secure."

"We have talked over the years (and throughout the writing of this book) about raising the child you have rather than the child you want.  Of course this is not always easy for parents who want to protect their child from adversity.  A naturalist once said that in nature there are no rights and wrongs, only decisions and consequences.  So if we work very hard to protect our children from distress, what are the consequences?  We often behave that way because of our anxiety, so in the short run, we will have less anxiety.  In the short run.  And what happens to our children if they are protected?  Plenty.  If we work too hard to clear away all adversity in their path, we steal something from them.  We are learning that overprotected children are more self-absorbed, less resilient, and less creative.  Anxiety disorders among our children are increasing.  And much of this is because of anxious parents trying to protect their children.  So how can we learn to tolerate our anxiety and have faith in our children's ability to tolerate some adversity?  It begins in infancy when we say "no" to our children and they cry.  That's when we learn to tolerate our own discomfort in the service of good parenting.  When they get older, setting limits becomes more important than ever.  But parents should not become autocrats, doors should be open for discussion, and everyone's feelings should be listened to with respect before a decision is made.  When our children get older and have a conflict, we should listen to them rather than tell them what to do.  If we do truly listen, we can give them gentle feedback about their ideas.  And then we can send them back to try to resolve their conflict, whether it is with peers or teachers.  Of course, they won't always resolve their problems in a way that feels good.  But typically we learn more from losing than winning.  When children suffer adversity in school, failure on tests, or difficulty in relationships, this is an opportunity for them to develop their coping skills, to figure out that they can tolerate loss.  This builds resilience."

From the book "The Wisdom of Sam:  Observations on Life from an Uncommon Child" by Daniel Gottlieb

I believe that what we tell our children, and what they hear, will become our children's inner voice as adults... HUGE

May you guide and be open to allowing your child to live their inner knowing while speaking the truth of your own.  (of course, age appropriately)

                                                           Unknown