Be U: My Being

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

My Being

My being, my person, my body oscillates with energy. My ears ring. I can feel the vibration of myself. It is loud, it is haunting, it is uncomfortable.

I feel my hands more. I feel my face more. I feel my feet more. My fingers feel more free, pliable and movable. It is like every cell of my body is engrossed or enlarged with energy vibrating in it, through it and outward.

This makes no sense to my intellect. And, every sense to my truth. Oh Boy!

I hear it said that the greatest war we may ever fight is between what we know and what we feel. I concur.

While I am highly uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel that my skin just may be happier than it has known in quite some time.   Over 30 years is quite some time?!?!?!?

Oh my.... I am talking about 'happy skin'. No wonder I am dizzy and spacey. I surely do not want to talk about happy skin. Yet, I'm hesitantly excited about the chance of happy skin....   Yikes.

I'm in solitude with my animals, my phone, my computer, my self, my TV. I've talked to many people all morning long through email, texts, Facebook, telephone and dog walking....

I'm hearing some people talk about their neck and just wanting better flow to their head/brain. There is tightness in the neck that wants to be released to either allow flow, explosion, implosion or release. I feel this too.

I wonder if it is our hearts wanting to connect more to our brain and our brain wanting to connect more to our hearts. Is it this vibration that many, if not most, are feeling... this change; this shift; this higher vibration that many believe is happening to and on this entire planet (and internal/external of same).

I have no clue.   Do I think it is .. yes.   Do I think it feels strange and crazy.. yes. Does it feel real.. yes.

So, as I feel these pin pricks to my skin, as my ears ring loud; annoyingly so.. All I can do is be with what is, do the best I can, embrace as much as I can, change what I can and be with my truth.

To ignore negativity does not make it go away. To process it and learn from it.. This is what works for me today.

Whatever works for you..

Be that.   BE what works for you in joy, love, compassion, empathy, gentleness and love. When other emotions come up, allow and acknowledge them. Sit with them in your truth or run if you have to.... Do what brings you the greatest connection to following your inner knowing. Do THIS.

THIS is what you are here to do today. You KNOW AND FEEL IT. Allow it; do it; be it.

JUST BE YOU!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!