Be U: ???

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

???

I do not have constant words wanting to fly out through my fingers here on the keyboard. I pretty much have no words at the forefront of my mind that are anxious to come 'through'.

I sit in a relaxed state and I sit with my truth and I sit with a great hope that what I feel inside will be used to create and exhibit itself in the world outside of myself.

I see myself in a beautiful new home feeling safe and content. I see myself out in the world grabbing onto the lifeline that will be my connection to supporting others to live their truest essence that they are able to share by just digging deep, finding passion and truth and releasing it through their life as themselves.

As I type this, I get excited; energized. I know it is coming for me.

I feel and am reminded that when I started my fitness business, I started exercising with friends at my home. It turned into a business out in the world where I did videos for clients, advertised on the radio and went to high rises along the beach to roof tops overlooking the ocean and to schools and homes and had great fun supporting people in losing weight, firming up, feeling happier and healthier and finding their true sense of self through the gift of fitness and awareness of how they treated their bodies.

I feel this same way of the Be U business. I talk with friends, family, whoever will talk with me in creating or sharing a better, more fulfilled/more truer life from within connected to their inner knowing of themselves. The miraculous change and growth I have seen is magical and makes me so happy.

I walk on as me open to what God has planned for me. I plan from deep within trusting the process and allowing myself to speak, live and be my truth.

Again, I'm not sure exactly where I am going... And, oh, I am going.

As I feel my way, I hit walls and lose hope. I question if I'm good enough or healthy enough. I have falseness and uninvited noises threatening to not allow my insight to become reality. And, even through all of this, I know nothing will stop me. I feel it in every cell in my body that this is the direction I am destined to go.

I am open to live anew; evolve through and live on. As long as I go as ME, I have it going on! lol

May you take YOU wherever you go and let what you feel, what you think, what you know, what you dream to guide you to the destiny that is yours! Yes, I wish for you to know and breathe excitement in doing just this. One step at a time or whatever it takes! You have it in You to be the YOU, completely, that you were born to be!

The time is now to grab hold and fly with it. My wish for you.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!