Be U: In sight

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

In sight

Being out and about a lot this weekend, our world (as I see it - yikes) surely looked different in some ways and the same in others.   There is nothing better than being with people who deeply care for each other having fun.

I truly do not know what to say. Being out in a dance club, I was overwhelmed with the amount of things I saw. I was pleased with the beauty of people and places; and I was uncomfortable and saddened by what felt like 'disconnect' to me.   Yet, what do I know....and I'm going 'here'.

I saw much more freedom to be who one truly is. We are a human race and we come from multi-faceted backgrounds, thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Our world is one big melting pot. We are doing our best to accept, build and strengthen our world as one. The internet and technology is creating this oneness of togetherness and it also makes it possible for individuals to be individuals.

Am I saying that I am seeing our individual selves meld into one great big connection? I think I am.   Mmmmm

While I saw some out and about enjoying, laughing, dancing and 'being'; included in this, I also saw a girl kissing multiple partners, a man 'feeding' a woman a drink even though her ability to drink had long ago waned. I saw older men hitting on uncomfortable younger women and I saw people stumbling, fighting and (what felt to me) trying to find their way. Again, what do I know and I only know what I think.   I cannot say for certain that this is what was happening. I do wonder if our 'new normal' is quite possibly, the new abnormal....and what we are going to do with it...

What are we doing to ourselves as individuals and collective personalities? Are we running and hiding from our truth? Are we afraid to feel what is inside of us? Are we afraid to share who we truly are at times? Are these traits belonging to us because we are humans lost and not claiming our power?   Or is this just being human?

LOL, I'm thinking I'm not ready for our world and I'm surely scared that the world is not ready for me. YIKES

I just want everyone to be happy and try to allow; be open; and know what it feels like to respect and be respected.

I feel like a loser as I say these things.   I feel that I 'should' (did I really just use this word?) just live and not be so open to all that I see. I think that life would be easier if I just stayed in my own tunnel of what is. I am confused at the enormity of the challenge that just may be upon us all if we choose to take it; the challenge to drop any charade and be the strongest that we can be by showing our weakness.   Even as I say this; it scares the bejesus out of me.

Yet, I know many are in a state of flux.   I believe this change is going to be one of the biggest of all time to following our heart/soul/inner knowing instead of just our minds/brains. What a hoot-ful this just may be.

May you follow your heart as you open your mind to what is best and work towards the truest of YOUrself that you can accomplish today.

Picture of the sky as I was sitting in the night club.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!