Be U: How to Say

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 10, 2013

How to Say

Mmmmm Look out when I start with Mmmmm.

I am realizing more fully that I'm not where I want to be going forward. I know I've said this before and my experience today was very much enlightening.

I woke up kind of cranky and flat out miserable/irritable. I had a hair appointment at the place I used to live down here and I feel good every time I visit. I wasn't sure I wanted to go. Didn't really have the umph.

I pushed through this feeling and as soon as I arrived at the gate, I cried. It's where I want to be.   I feel safe, I feel 'home', I feel me there. The beauty everywhere I look is prevalent. The flowers are abundant, the landscaping is lush and manicured. My hair came out good and the hairdresser was very easy and warm to speak with. We, mostly, spoke the same language.

I thought, perhaps, I would go to the mall or the pet store after. I realized I just wanted to go home, change into comfortable sweat shorts and be with my dogs.

I did put us (my dogs and I) in the car, went to the pet store and went back to this beautiful home community and took the dogs to the dog park. I swear they ran and jumped and hopped and 'laughed'. I swear they like it there as much as I do. (is this called inference?)

Anyway, I realized with words in my head and clarity that I'm not where I want to be. I have no strong base that I call home just now. I'm happy I have a place to live and I have no strong foundation balancing me. I realize that if I am strong within, I can be my foundation. (Wherever I go; there I am.) If I feel strong, safe, clear and abundant within, no matter where I am - I am this.

A home, a building, a connection isn't as strong and freeing as me sitting in my own power. So, I have to get right with myself as completely as possible and wherever I move on to - I will be 'right' because I have my whole self, my brilliant self, my powerful self here. And, wherever I go, because I am connected to my strength and connection to all that is; I am home.

Now, this is how I feel in this minute. If I wait a minute - I know anything can change these feelings if I let it change me.

I believe this is what I'm talking about in my introduction to myself and this blog - That I've had glimpses of peace in chaos; strength in destruction and my ability to know that I am okay no matter what surrounds me. This is what I want to resonate within as much as possible.   Having this glimpse... makes me want it all the time.   I believe it's possible. It's how I choose to resonate.

May you resonate on your highest frequency and know that you are worth your highest self here on earth.  We honor everyone and everything when we resonate on the highest, most fulfilled level we are capable of in the now.

Happy resonating!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!