Be U: I

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, May 13, 2013

I

I sit in awe at the complexity of myself. I had a brilliant Mother's Day with beautiful words and sentiment from beautiful people. My daughter was the first to call me. My husband gave me the greatest gift he has ever given me by stating how grateful, beautiful and accomplished I've been at being a mom. His awareness and enlightenment of 'momhood' was right on with the way I see it and a first for us. I was told many wonderful, awesome things that just sat beautifully in my heart and all of who I am.  It was exactly what I needed, wanted, and desired to hear. I am grateful and lighter because of it. I actually felt pain leave my body.

I went to "Sam's Club" for a hot dog with a dear friend and we sat there and talked for hours.   Yes, you did read this correctly. "Sam's Club" - a warehouse grocery store; this is where I spent my Mother's Day eating a hot dog! And I loved every bite and every minute! LOL

My day was totally one of a kind and magical for me.

And, it's hard for me to own this and feel deserving of getting 'it' how I wanted 'it'. I am filled to the brim just now and I have some guilt and anxiety around 'having it all'.

It's exactly what I've worked very hard at for many, many moons - to 'have it all'.  To know oneness and peace with all that I am. And, I feel like I 'have it all' in this moment and all day yesterday! Woo Hoo; Party On; Hip hip hooray and Wow.

Yet, to share this; to sit in this; to know this; to live this; to own this.... It 'ain't' the easiest thing I've ever done!

What is up with this?

So, what I come up with is that the child in me feels a bit unworthy and spoiled. The adult in me says 'you go girl'. and my adult thought-out perception says 'you put in much effort, time and focus on this; allow yourself to reap the reward".

How complex can I make it? Ha. LOL   Evidently, pretty complex!   (Am I making it this way; or is it the way it is.... Mmmm) Or is it not complex at all and just feels so... Always opportunity to learn...eh gad!

Perhaps, it is a good thing to stop being surprised when things go my way and lovingly embrace and be open to honoring the Creator/God that created me to have it all by simply allowing myself to HAVE IT ALL.

We were all born to have it all! What having it all is to me is probably not what having it all is to you.

Know that I want you to have it all. I want you to succeed. I want you to own all of you and keep what makes you happy and let go/change what is not allowing you to be in the 'YOU' direction in each minute possible. I want you to know oneness and peace with all that you are.

When you own your greatness, it empowers me to own mine. I hope that me owning my greatness empowers you to own yours.

We all matter.   We all have greatness. We all deserve to be affirmed by that one person that means the most to us. And, if we allow ourselves to matter to ourselves, perhaps, everyone else affirming us is just a wonderful benefit to creating LIGHTness and ease in our world.

May you be open to having beautiful affirmations with each person you encounter being available, forthcoming and gifted to each other as many times as necessary for you to be filled to your brim with ____________(fill in blank; whatever it is you are desiring for your life going forward).

It is our birthright to be happy, fulfilled and great. It is our job to support one another in fulfilling each other's birthright.

We are all here at this great universal 'shift-ness' going on. Own who, what, how, why and where you are and what you feel and let this owning create the YOU that you truly are. Perhaps, nothing has to really be known for us to accept ourselves. However, what we do know, if we own it, miracles can happen. This is my experience and belief.

Do it for yourself; do it for your loved ones; do it for our world and do it because you can.

Empower your power by just being you.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!