Be U: With Enlightenment

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

With Enlightenment

With enlightenment, comes change; growth; some completely new thoughts and, really, a new way of doing some things.

My goal was to find myself; find peace in the chaos and calm in the storm.   I believe I have done this to the point where I sit strong in who I am. (Never always; and more than I did.)

I see things differently; I do things differently... I am different.   I am still me and yet I can't easily deny myself. This is seeming to create a whole new level of needed awareness to find peace in this new me. Eh gad   lol

Going and going was the old me. The new me doesn't go enough; and this is a judgment.   What if I'm going as much as I can just now and if I would just embrace this part of myself that my mind tells me I'm a 'loser' and instead of saying loser - say I'm okay with where I'm at today. I want to be more than this going forward and for today, I'll accept that I am here.

I am realizing that I have been ON this for a very long time. I believe this is one reason why my head may feel like it wants to explode.   This NEW information, NEW way, NEW thought process wants time to adjust. Just like when we work our physical bodies, it's good to give the muscles a day off in between strength training so the fiber can repair itself and get stronger.   I am realizing that I have not given my brain time off to process, repair and get stronger in where it lies.

I tried to do this today. To disconnect... I did okay. I want to do this more and longer. I need to.   So, I will be 'playing' with this and see what happens.

It's interesting that when I sit in front of the computer or on the phone; this is when I feel my head ringing loudly; my eyes going strange.   Again, I'm taking this to believe that I need a break (you think?) to allow myself to dig deep within what is. To just be and breathe and to allow this process to adapt, get along and revive myself as this new evolved woman. Woo hoo.

Yes, I am feeling strange and a bit discomfort in this truth. I'm no longer questioning if I'm losing my mind. I'm not really questioning how I feel or think. I am questioning if I'm too much for anyone to understand. I certainly hope not.   I certainly hope that me sharing my thoughts and process with others will open up their own evolving door and allow themselves to be all that they are meant to be; without judgement.

One can only hope, wish, dream and live.

May you connect to your evolving door (I crack myself up) and open it and walk through. Mmmm

Enlighten
"to give intellectual or spiritual light to; instruct; impart knowledge to" (dictionary.com)

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." Albert Einstein

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!