Be U: Can't Focus

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Can't Focus

I'm having no luck at all with focusing on anything today. I'm over there; I'm doing this; I'm doing that and I'm not sure what, if anything, I've accomplished.

It is a dark, dreary, rainy, wonderful day. December 21.

The longest night of the year. The longest amount of darkness in a day. It is the day that holds the shortest amount of sunlight we experience here in the northern hemisphere of our world. I used to think that this, and I guess still do, would be a cool day to get married because it IS the longest night available to us. Oh la la.

Starting tomorrow, we have more and more sunlight minutes. I feel better on the accumulated minutes of sunlight than I do with losing the minutes. I just like when it's light out at 9 p.m. More time to 'play' outdoors in the sunlight.

I am believing now, in my 'old' age, that it's best to just go with what is even with the darkness. Perhaps, it's a time to rejuvenate and take some down time. The farmers go with dawn to dusk and the crops grow with season to season. If we eat what is in season locally and we rest more with the long dark hours, do our bodies, minds and spirits work optimally. (How did I ever get here?)

The one thing that I do know about my father is he loved growing his tomatoes. He lived to grow his tomatoes. (Is this how I got here?)

So interesting that when we allow our mind, thoughts and feelings to surface what comes. I've learned a lot about my patterns, my feelings and my thoughts by writing them down here and seeing from post to post (at times) the similarities, the same focus, and how something really important or helpful can come from allowing our thoughts to prosper and live through us instead of burying them deep and keeping them there.

The process of life is what living is all about I'm believing more and more. It's not reaching the goal or place so much as it is in the process of achieving and/or allowing the growth of what is yet to come. What we have right now today is most important. We are living our lives.

"Be Here Now" is a beautiful way to live. A way that, for me, does not come so natural.

May you be here now and focus on what is happening with you and in front of you. There may just be a secret waiting to show itself to you!

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!