"Where do I begin. [look out when it begins with this!] I actually began early this morning after reading this brilliant write-up about fear. I thank you for your words of wisdom, your insight, your truth from your beautiful soul.
I started responding this morning and my phone would not allow me to type after several sentences. It was giving me a hard time and I took it as a sign that I was not supposed to comment then. I have been literally shaken from this article. I felt my body vibrating on a different level after hearing and understanding, on a much deeper level, your words. I started writing about how, as a child, I did learn that what I felt, thought and needed could be ridiculed by, and upset others, greatly. I learned to choose to be the 'quiet one' as to not rock the boat and create reactions that felt very scary. As a child, I was unable to know anything other than when I think differently or try to create something other than what 'was', people were unable to respond favorably or supportively and could also get very angry with me. Anger has scared me for most of my life. I did not know how to let myself connect to anger. Just recently, I now know differently. I know that someone's anger has nothing to do with me or who I am. If a person is happy, content and stand strong in who they are, they can know anger, yet, not have to make others afraid or hurt or intimidate them by what/how they are acting/doing. If I am in a happy place within myself; usually I can handle things well. When I am struggling or hurt, I have much less patience and can find myself angry at whatever comes my way.
I am uncertain as to why I'm writing more about anger than fear. I heard you say that it's how we look at fear that can be hurtful or helpful and, best, could possibly be to embrace fear. I want to choose to embrace it now. I have to say I do think Dave is nuts! lol I say this with great respect. I don't have any desire to know that kind of fear where the possibility of death is right there on the tip of the boundary of myself. And, what he has given me through you is a gift of a lifetime.
It's the same fear over and over and over again with me. And, as much as I dislike and fight admitting this.. I really didn't want to own all of me. I didn't want to own the dis-ease that I have known for a very long time. I didn't want to own the responsibility of sharing what I have learned from 30+ years of struggle and suffering from a disease called scleroderma. I know I would not be who I am if it were not for this dis-ease. I have gained valuable insight and great empathy and compassion. I feel different and unique and until now, not in a comfortable way. I don't want to be known as the nice lady with a terrible disease. I know that I do not know how to be me out in the world. I feel many would not understand me or I could 'upset' a situation and create havoc and discontentment. I believe my path has been to prepare me to help others find their own way to connecting to the deepest part of themselves. I am so afraid of not doing this and I'm so afraid of doing just this. What a pickle I find myself in.
I knew this day would come when I would accept and admit who and what I'm all about to the possibility of very many people. I feared it with every cell in my body. And, this post by InPower Sisterhood has done something to me that I am sitting here speaking my truth. Well, this is me 'jumping out of an airplane' and placing the boundary of myself into our universe and hoping for a beautiful landing and a beautiful explosion of connectedness. I am so emotional as I write this. I feel heat surround me and the flow of life live through me.
I don't think you'll see me on the street corner shouting my truth. I will be embracing all of me and knowing that I am enough and everything I need to be for this lifetime. As I know that you are enough and that everything you need for this lifetime you already have. May the energy of the Universe hear my plea and help us all to help each other. Thank you."
I started responding this morning and my phone would not allow me to type after several sentences. It was giving me a hard time and I took it as a sign that I was not supposed to comment then. I have been literally shaken from this article. I felt my body vibrating on a different level after hearing and understanding, on a much deeper level, your words. I started writing about how, as a child, I did learn that what I felt, thought and needed could be ridiculed by, and upset others, greatly. I learned to choose to be the 'quiet one' as to not rock the boat and create reactions that felt very scary. As a child, I was unable to know anything other than when I think differently or try to create something other than what 'was', people were unable to respond favorably or supportively and could also get very angry with me. Anger has scared me for most of my life. I did not know how to let myself connect to anger. Just recently, I now know differently. I know that someone's anger has nothing to do with me or who I am. If a person is happy, content and stand strong in who they are, they can know anger, yet, not have to make others afraid or hurt or intimidate them by what/how they are acting/doing. If I am in a happy place within myself; usually I can handle things well. When I am struggling or hurt, I have much less patience and can find myself angry at whatever comes my way.
I am uncertain as to why I'm writing more about anger than fear. I heard you say that it's how we look at fear that can be hurtful or helpful and, best, could possibly be to embrace fear. I want to choose to embrace it now. I have to say I do think Dave is nuts! lol I say this with great respect. I don't have any desire to know that kind of fear where the possibility of death is right there on the tip of the boundary of myself. And, what he has given me through you is a gift of a lifetime.
It's the same fear over and over and over again with me. And, as much as I dislike and fight admitting this.. I really didn't want to own all of me. I didn't want to own the dis-ease that I have known for a very long time. I didn't want to own the responsibility of sharing what I have learned from 30+ years of struggle and suffering from a disease called scleroderma. I know I would not be who I am if it were not for this dis-ease. I have gained valuable insight and great empathy and compassion. I feel different and unique and until now, not in a comfortable way. I don't want to be known as the nice lady with a terrible disease. I know that I do not know how to be me out in the world. I feel many would not understand me or I could 'upset' a situation and create havoc and discontentment. I believe my path has been to prepare me to help others find their own way to connecting to the deepest part of themselves. I am so afraid of not doing this and I'm so afraid of doing just this. What a pickle I find myself in.
I knew this day would come when I would accept and admit who and what I'm all about to the possibility of very many people. I feared it with every cell in my body. And, this post by InPower Sisterhood has done something to me that I am sitting here speaking my truth. Well, this is me 'jumping out of an airplane' and placing the boundary of myself into our universe and hoping for a beautiful landing and a beautiful explosion of connectedness. I am so emotional as I write this. I feel heat surround me and the flow of life live through me.
I don't think you'll see me on the street corner shouting my truth. I will be embracing all of me and knowing that I am enough and everything I need to be for this lifetime. As I know that you are enough and that everything you need for this lifetime you already have. May the energy of the Universe hear my plea and help us all to help each other. Thank you."
May you jump out of an airplane or choose to do your own version of same. Whatever it is, may you stand in the truth of YOU.
The Universe is strong enough to catch and support us all.
Author Unknown
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