Be U: College Bound

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

College Bound

My daughter is heading towards her first year of college this August and we were out getting a collection of new clothes for her. What fun. It was nice to spend the day with her and I am grateful for her beauty, kindness and intelligence. I sort of remember when I was that age and I was filled with wonder, anticipation, and excitement. I knew the whole world was at my disposal and I was ready to take it on.

Now, at 53, I still know the world is at our disposal and anything is possible. And, I'm ready to move into the next chapter of 'me'.

I just watched Diesel, my daughter's boyfriend's dog swim in my pool. He must have jumped in and out of the pool 30 times. What energy; he seemed to be so happy. It's a bit cool outside; much cooler than it has been and it feels comfortable and nice. I even threw a tennis ball 15 or so times. This dog has energy. He is a pit bull/boxer mix. Powerful. It is beautiful watching him run. It gave me energy just watching him. Perhaps, I could watch him more often! lol

I had a full day of living and I'm feeling lighter, more energized and happier ever since I faced 'the' (for me) huge fear and voiced the true me in writing, where I know many could find it. The fact that nothing happened and I didn't shatter is a beautiful thing that makes me so less afraid of who, what, and how I feel. Brava Me; Brava!

May you voice your biggest fear, and share it even if you are afraid of doing so.  My hope is that knowing this courage will empower you to be and live as the whole of who you are.

I think the world and our universe is ready - and we, people of the world/universe are ready to take this giant leap together into the unknown and create the greatest union of life as a whole. I certainly wish for this.

We have been, or are being, schooled.   Now it's time to continue learning through walking as who you are wherever you go, whatever you do, whenever you can, with whoever you are with. My hope is... with as much ease as possible.

May you know the beauty and empowerment of walking through a fear with one of your biggest moves yet. I believe you can do this and I believe the result will be exactly what you need.  I believe it will propel you forward and through to the EASE OF BEING YOU.  May you feel the excitement to play one 'move' that you have been putting off in the past.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!