Be U: Company

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Company

My beautiful companions for the weekend just left. My energy is vibrant and my heart is happy. There is much to do.

Tomorrow I want to take a video of my home; my "Shambala", through my eyes and share this magical place with whoever it reaches out to. I want to get my home in a nice state of 'flow' (as best I can) and my hope is that others will see/feel/know the comfort, peace and love that I have experienced here.

So, as I see my company taking their bags out to the car, there is an emptiness that I feel because of their departure. There is also an anxiousness I am allowing because of the thought to put everything in it's place. And, I know it will all get done because that's how I, and most others, roll.

My dogs enjoyed all the attention and love from the kids. They now have found their comfort place and are sleeping soundly. Tiffany even went into the closet to have 'quiet alone time'. Little Bear is here curled up in a ball.

I realized in these last several days that I so want to be ME; all of me. This is why I created a world called "Be U". Hmm. Huge realization. Interesting projection.

If you can be you, I can be me easier. Very interesting, indeed.

I know way back (100 years ago), in my 30's that I was not connected to 'little me'. When a therapist asked about my relationship to my little self - I replied she is not here... I killed her off/buried her. I am not connected to her.

I am now connected to her again. She is right here with me. And, I say 'Alleluia'. I am whole. I am me. I am connected to all of me and all that I've been and, most likely, all that I will be. I sit strong in who I am. I know ME. I want to say that I know me inside and out. Yet, I do not know that this is truth. I do feel that I stand strong.

Now, what do I do with me... Only time will tell and I am open to receive instruction, open to be me, open to live my truth.

I am still fearful of your reaction... I have received very little reaction to my write-up of me 'jumping out of the plane' and putting my biggest fear and my biggest hope out onto Facebook. It's extremely interesting to me. My biggest fear is of not having enough; being enough or able enough and my biggest hope is that I want to help other's to connect to their deepest of self.

The world didn't end! I did not get berated. I did not get hurt. I did not get overwhelmed. I did not get laughed at. I do not know present fear. I do feel some anticipation of where I'm going next.

It has been quiet. This sort of shocks me. I was sure 'something' would have shattered. I process this interesting result. I honor it.

We all have our 'stuff'. It's interesting that what I am learning is that 'my stuff' only affects me in the way if affects me. This gives me peace.

While I want to affect others positively, I do not want to create havoc or chaos in or for anyone. This silence leads me to believe that I do not know much, I have control over no one and my best path is to just be me and share energy with others through love.

May you just Be U and share energy with others through love.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!