Be U: Much

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Much

I have much in my head that I want to get out. It is garbled and unfiltered through just now. My own understanding of it is not strong or clear enough, just yet, to share.

I have found Facebook and there are many that think like I do on it. They, too, want peace, love and togetherness in our world. For a few weeks, I found it inviting and exciting. I found myself lost in it somewhat. I find myself sitting in confusion because I am still being 'altered' by what others think and say. I believe this is my goal as to why I stay in much seclusion. I want to stand strong in myself that I will not waver when 'touched' by anything that is not me. LOL, that is a huge declaration and place for me to find myself in. And, so it is.

I want life to be about what each one of us feels and knows. I do not want life to be about putting another down or making them wrong so that I may be strong and right. I want to stand firmly on the Earth and strongly within myself as I want the same for you.

Is this possible for us to live this way... I do not know. I surely would love us all to give it a try and see where we end up.

I believe it has to be better than hurting ourselves, one another and any untruths. I keep coming back to everyone just totally living/showing/being/doing the truth of who each of us are through love, openness, kindness and support. Even as I write this, I feel such opposition. Is it real? I do not know. I do know I would love to try this.

Yes, I think and am different than you. You think and are different from me. We think and are different from others. Others think and are different from others... Yet, we all are born; we all die; we all breathe and we all want to feel like we belong and that we have a purpose that matters. Perhaps, we cannot 'belong' to anyone but ourselves, if that. And, just knowing a connection of this life force is in us all.... there feels like there is a greater connection that us mere humans cannot totally decipher or understand; yet, can no longer be ignored as the elephant in the room.

I have no idea what I'm talking about really. I'm just going with it and seeing where I end up. I hope it's not a loony bin...(whatever that is!) lol

May you know that you matter and belong simply because You Are. May you know that others matter and belong simply because they are.

Everything you know and feel is to be shared for the good of our time. Share YOU through openness and caring. Allow others to be who they are and allow yourself to react with truth and understanding or truth of not understanding stated out loud, lovingly as possible.

We are worth a try, yes? Our world is worth it. You are worth it. Our loved ones are worth it.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!