Be U: Tarot Fun

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Tarot Fun

Last night, after I newly posted and also updated my "Fear You" post about my greatest fear being public speaking and, yet, recently voicing that I believe my greatest calling is to help others by speaking, I found myself feeling pretty scared. (what an interesting realization for me) It takes me back to when I first started teaching aerobics class and my biggest fear was getting in front of the class!

I turned to the tarot cards that I had purchased several years back and asked outloud 'where do I go from here?' and I picked two cards by spreading them all out face down and closing my eyes and just allowing my hand to cross over and above them. When I felt heat, I stopped and picked each card.

This is what came up.

"The Moon - The Moon represents the night before the dawn. It is a time of patience, rest and reflection, in which the soft energies of the moon compel us to enter the waters of the unconscious, the heart of the mystery. As the embodiment of the white stone, the Moon represents a level of mastery in which we are in control of our actions, because we are conscious of psychological influences which remain unconscious to others. We have been purified, and now enjoy freedom of choice in our activities and patient acceptance of the activities of others. As it says in the I Ching, 'strength is on the inside, and glad acceptance is on the outside'. However, at this level there can be a coldness or flattening of the emotions, because we still need to fully integrate our libido; and so we wait for dawn."

"Lady of Staffs - You are fascinated by light and energy, and have a sense of appreciation and wonder. You have mastered the art of graceful movement in all ways. You are well suited to start an endeavour in a new area, to make the desert bloom."

When I read these two cards, I take it that I'm on the verge of beginning my next life chapter to begin my journey to help enliven the peace that is within others by knowing and living themselves. My inner work is completed enough that I can help others awaken their innermost selves and live being their true self. I am ready.   I want to connect with others that simply want to just be; to live who they were born to be and to share their authentic self. To just 'Be U'.

(below definitions are from dictionary.com)

     Libido
     noun, plural -dos.

Psychoanalysis . all of the instinctual energies and desires that are derived from the id..

sexual instinct or sexual drive

noun Psychoanalysis .

the part of the psyche, residing in the unconscious, that is the source of instinctive impulses that seek satisfaction in accordance with the pleasure principle and are modified by the ego and the superego before they are given overt expression.

What would you like your 'card' to read and support you with?

*Tarot Cards from Alchemical Tarot by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!