Be U: Park

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Park

Oh what fun it is to go to an amusement park. The rides, the joy, the walking, the people, the food, the games.... what more does a person need to have FUN.

The 'zipper' used to be my favorite ride a long time ago. I don't think I ever went on it without my eyes closed however. I always kept my eyes closed and laughed and laughed. The log flume is always fun too; the anticipation of how wet I'd get or not get. The slow and fast speeds of the roller coaster and the ever relaxing, kick back look around to make sure I don't miss anything high ferris wheel.

The boardwalk was always a fun spot too. Walking along the beach everyone just looking to share the joy of funnel cakes, caramel apples, hitting the mole in the hole! Pizza was probably my favorite. I still like it!

Way back we used to see how many people we could fit in the booth to have our picture taken and to see how many different funny faces we could make. Now, we have cameras with us everywhere we go.

I never really people watched. I have a funny idea that I could people watch now. I always wanted to be in the center of the activity. I think now, at times, I'd like to just view the activity.

Times change, People change, Life changes. The one constant thing is me. I am the only person I will be with the length of my life.

I'd like to be a fun, loving, open, warm person to hang with. Good news is I can be this person. Good news is I am this person. Bad news is there are other parts of me that want to participate as well.

Is it all about the balance? If I can no longer ignore ALL of me; how about I choose to accept all of me.

Mmmm. That's the ticket. Now, just to do it!

Do you accept all of you? Do you want to give it your best shot to love all of you? Would your life and your inner being be more peaceful if you accepted all of you?

Does it seem easier to see, know and connect to the good in other people more than the good in yourself? If so, where does this come from? Whose belief is this really? Can it be changed?

If you see total good in yourself; are you able to see it in other people as well?

What is the real truth. Someone told me today that "you can only depend on yourself"? Is this true? Have you ever depended on another and they were there for you? Have you ever depended on yourself and you came through also?

Maybe it IS all possible.........

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!