Be U: Ch Ch Ch Changes

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I believe we, as a world, are in a time of great change. I believe we, as a world, can create anything that we choose. I believe we, as a world, are ready for a better way all around.  I believe, we as a world, can know our own paradise here on earth.

A way of truth. A way of love. A way of true humanness.

We are forced, if not ready, to look at the reality of what has been handed down to us; the reality of what we have created.

We are forced, if not ready, to look at the life we are living and accept its truth.  Our truth in all it's glory, all its failures, all its strengths and all its weakness.

We all have them. We all have glory, failure, strength and weakness.

I know, for me, I can't (no matter how hard I resist) ignore my truth any longer. I am forced to see the total picture of me. I am forced to try to live the total picture of me.

This is good news.   This is hard news. This is the news I choose to pay attention to.   This is the news that can make my head spin.

I sit on every square foot of the see-saw of my life. I am in every aspect of finding the balance that works best for me to keep the see-saw straight. It rarely is completely level. I want to learn to be okay, trusting and as cool as possible as I find the weight of myself (all of me) on this greatly changing earth.

Know what it feels like to be in each others' shoes. -- As I was walking away from my television the other day, I heard the President of the United States say this. Maybe it's time to know what it feels like to be in each others' shoes. I wanted to applaud. I believe there is so much right here in front of us anymore that it is hard to ignore others. Oh, some of us still do it brilliantly, however, it is harder than it ever was.

What if caring what another person feels is the answer to our own suffering? I have learned that we cannot fix it or even change it greatly for the other person long-term. We all have to be responsible for our own thoughts, actions and life as it is.    However, we can show validation and as much understanding as possible of another person; yes?

How much of your whole self are you showing to the world and how much are you open to know others?

Where does this land on your own see-saw of life and where would you like it to land?

(ChChChChanges - David Bowie)

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!