Be U: Oh, What a Night

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Oh, What a Night

(NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART)

I woke up around 3:30 last night and saw my littlest dog trying to bury something on the comforter of my bed. This looks like she is 'raking' something with her nose. I was curious what it could be.

It was a dead bunny's full leg and foot. EWWWW GROSS. Really UNPLEASANT.

After about 1 hour, I fell back to sleep and woke up this morning to 3 different (not teenie) spots of blood on the hardwood floor. I was reluctantly looking for the rest of the rabbit as I went about my morning chores. Note: I do have one cat that has brought mice, frogs, and even a baby bunny into the house through the dog door before. UGH.

I looked under the chairs/couches/bed - nothing. I went on with my morning. Moments later, I turned around and there was the poor baby bunny with what looked like was it's flesh eaten through to a bare skull. I was in this spot several times earlier and nothing - so one of my puppies must have brought it to me from somewhere. Totally grossed me out. I had to discard it (I was home alone). It took me minutes to figure out how I was going to do this and to gather all the courage I could possibly muster up. I gave a little eulogy of sorts and it is now in the trash.

I sprayed and wiped vinegar water everywhere I could and I burned sage to clear the energy. I still feel uncomfortable and what's a woman to do. The bedding is still in the dryer for the third time!

Yes, I am wondering if this has anything to do with me telling the 'sky' that I am not afraid of it. I know it's just the cat bringing the bunny in and my dogs playing with it. How gross AND on my bed. NEVER ever before has this happened. The poor bunny gave up his life for my cat and dogs. I thank him, I guess. I don't know what else to do.

I am still grossed out. Short of killing the cat; I will just pray and hope that this never ever, ever happens again.

I hope your night was more festive and less worrisome than my own.

How do you deal with things you'd certainly rather not handle and must.

My wish for you is that you know you can handle anything that comes your way (no matter how horrid) and that life always works through itself.

"Life always works through living." (Mercedes Flair)

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!