Be U: Getting Back on Track

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Getting Back on Track

My skin ulcers have calmed down and I'm starting to feel more myself and sleeping better and calmer. WOW, our bodies sure can 'talk' to us.

I can surely ignore this 'talking' for a long time. AND, it does get louder. I think I prefer to listen to the whispers and keep it easier and gentler on myself, if possible.

As I do feel like I'm getting back on track from before I had the painful days, I also feel that I'm traveling where I have never traveled before or, at the least, in a long, long time. I'm finding it hard to know what to say. I'm finding it hard to put into words. I'm not feeling much wisdom of myself outside of what I've written about or much current growth.

I have alot going on in my life with my family traveling to horse shows, purchasing a home in Florida, keeping up the home here, taking care of the animals. As I write this, it doesn't sound like a lot to me. Yet, it FEELS like alot. Mmmmm.

I'm just going to take it that if it feels like alot; then for now, it must be alot to me. Every day the contractors are still here (so it feels). Everyday I'm dealing with people (or my husband if truth be told) with people regarding the purchasing of the home in FL. It has been since February and we are finally getting close. Oh, the anticipation. It's a short sale and, well, let's just say I would have given up several months ago. It's craziness to me. This world has certainly changed in the real estate world. Let's be true - it's changed alot in many worlds.

Technology has far surpassed anything that I can imagine. Weather and traffic at a click of a button on TV. My car talks to me; I can pause regular TV; I can call my house on the telephone; I can carry thousands of books with me wherever I go easily; I can send a picture to you instanteously. WOW. I never thought I'd see the day. AND, it's here. Good, good stuff.

I just want to keep my human connection, along with these new connections. Is it possible. We will see, won't we.

So, as we go about our day today, may we be calm in learning all the new, quick 'stuff' that is available to us if we choose it. And, may we also go along our day sharing who we really are with each other.

If we can watch the TV screen and feel like we are in the same room with the people, surely we can be with each other and share the real us with them. It makes life much more interesting, don't you think?

May you honor what you feel today and be grateful for the goodness of this.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!