Be U: Here Goes

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Here Goes

Well, my life is getting interesting for me. (dare I go here?)

I went to a Psychic today for the fun of it. WOWZA. She pretty much told me everything I already know internally and am very afraid to voice and/or put words to. I'm extremely hesitant and fear is surrounding me. I never really put 'stock' into other people telling me about me.

I came home and picked up and read "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. This book has helped me many times this year. I seem to be on the page that helps guide me. So crazy and so true to me. So this time I went in on "Revealing Who We Are" "No bird can fly without opening its wings, and no one can love without exposing their heart." "It is perhaps the oldest of inner laws, as inescapable as gravity. There is no chance of lifting into any space larger than yourself without revealing the parts you hold closest to your chest."

So, I am revealing what I know to be inside of me. What I am fearful of. My power.

The psychic asked me to write down one question. My question was "Am I going to fulfill my life's purposes?"

She states the words "rebirth, healing, enlightenment"....To follow my heart...I have a deep animal connection...I was once a male American Indian and a German Witch that worked with medicine and was a great healer...My husband and I are both old souls and true soulmates...We have been with each other many lives...My one cat's (Jamu) spirit is always with me...To bathe in epsom salts to purify my body...She sees me walking on a beach down south content...My abdominal chakra is closed...I need to place a rose quartz on it to help open it...She verbally handed me sunflowers (which were my mother's favorite flower and my mom is deceased)...To turn my fear into faith through meditation...I am ready for 2012 and God is waiting for me to step up.

Then she pulls out the Tarot Cards. A strong male force comes up first (my husband). My primary burdens are now behind me. It is cause for celebration. The sun force and light force is right within my reach. I am ready to heal myself and others. I am so ready.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Deep down I know this all to be true for me (except maybe I'm hesitant on the past lives); in the most hidden crevasse of my being. I have 'known' alot of this for a long time. I have been resisting completely letting go on any of this because there is a huge part of me that believes it to be crazy and over-the-top stuff. Noone I knew growing up could comprehend or fathom this. I have met a few along the way as I grew and I have less than a handful of people now that may be open to have this kind of faith. This kind of faith goes against my thinking brain in big ways. My inner knowing has it all down easily. (again, my war within)

Where do I go from here? I haven't a clue. However, I'd like to stay open and willing to hear and follow through with what is imprinted on my soul.

The 'white jackets' are really coming to get me now.

I believe there is a greater power here other than our physical self. I believe we all have it within. I believe we just have to choose to tap into it, accept and be vulnerable.

I don't know what to offer here. I offer openness to just live the real you and allow life and diversity and to, perhaps, participate in your unproven and unknown path through love and faith.

Let our lights shine on!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!