Be U: Energy Work

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Energy Work

I had a 'massage' today for 2 hours and 15 minutes. It was not a relaxing, unwinding type of massage. It was a go for it, release the deeply stuck energy type of massage. I am on a massage table fully clothed.

I wish I would have taped it because, although I participated, I do not remember much.

I know I constantly belched. I know I coughed alot of stuff up and out; from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. I moved this way and that way. Too weird - even for me.

The Therapist may have only touched my feet, my neck and my back during the whole time. Yet, so much came up for me.

I burped the taste of penicillin up. What came to my mind, at this time, was me standing in line in my childhood kitchen with my brother and my sister having to take a disgusting smelling and tasting penicillin. Why this came up; I certainly have no clue. Yet, it came up like I was standing in that line today.

I had a metal taste in my mouth. I laughed so hard, I cried; along with my therapist. The song by Tom Jones "Please Release Me" played in my head.   The song by Queen came up but played out in my head like I've paid my dues, it's taken my time --"We are the Champions".

We 'entered' a part of my body in my back and neck that her and I have never come across during the 10 plus years we have been working together. In fact, when she used to touch my back, I would hear in my head to tell her 'you're not getting in there so don't even think about it'. I knew it wasn't ready to budge; and it never did; until today. At the end of the session, the therapist burped. Too funny.

My skin feels softer right now. I can feel my fingers. I have more peace. In fact, I fell asleep for half an hour right afterwards. My ears are burning. They are still ringing.

I am hoping, again, for a miracle. I am hearing my inner voice and listening to it. It is so very interesting how it is so different from my conscious, trained mind/brain. I have gotten really, really good at turning my inner voice off in midsentence and telling 'it' how ridiculous it sounds.   I am hoping that I will listen, hear and react accordingly more and more. I hope that I will learn to live my life path; the one that fulfills me and my service here. I am hoping that by me doing this, I can help others to do the same; if they choose it.

I want to be me so I can help you be you. This is my true calling. I would never have believed there was so much for me to release, to learn and that everything I need is already here for me. I just have to be open and willing to participate.

Are you willing to participate in your life?

Do I dare to continue what I've started.

I have no choice.   I have no choice but to be here where I am. I'm living inwardly for the first time in my life and working on myself as lovingly as possible. I'm giving my connection to myself all that I possibly can.

My inner voice tells me that I have no choice. The pain will not allow me any other option if I want to survive it.

I am ME and I totally wish for you to BE U.

All will be good in the world when we do this. We will be living our truth. We will be the champions of our own lives.  Now, that's rockin it! You just may already be doing this. I applaud you.

You know you've got it when your outer self is aligned with your inner self.

I was taught in Feng Shui that a black and white picture or a water fountain at an entranceway to any room or building will help to keep the flow of life moving through.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!