Be U: Energy Work

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Energy Work

I had energy work (massage, cranial sacral, reiki, cleansing, letting go of certain connections) this morning by a woman who I have been working with for over 7 years. I have not seen her for 6 mos. and she said that she feels that the lower part of my fingers look almost normal! Wow. Haven't heard this since I was very young.

We spent 3 hours together this morning. Somewhat 'weirdo' stuff and felt more real than alot of things in my life.

What I felt was pretty much what she was thinking and we felt universally connected. I say this because when she was touching my heel, I felt my heart and neck 'talk' and she went on to say it was my feminine energy and me ready to own a new way of seeing things and doing things.

When she was working on my neck, I felt my arms and hands having more bloodflow and the skin getting softer.

When she was working on my belly, I began to burp (I did say excuse me) and we knew it was my way of releasing because it became a 'habit' of mine to do so continuously over many other sessions.

I now feel drained and, yet, there is so much energy throughout my body. It is not a common or normal feeling for me and I honestly don't know what to do with it. It scares me and excites me.

I hear myself telling myself I am nuts. However, I don't think my mind is what's creating this. It's for real in my body. I sure hope I can function clearly and fully with this newer version of me soon.

I've been spacey and muddled in the brain. I've not felt like being around people. I have somewhat hibernated myself in.

I do not like where I am. Yet, I know this is where I'm supposed to be.

I heard something today that said when darkness or gloom befalls on us, know that there is a reason and that soon good will be coming our way.

This feels true for me. I feel great happiness and power coming alive within me.

Yet, there is another part of me that thinks I've totally gone off my rocker!

It's interesting how it's sunny here, then thundering and dark, then heavy rain, then sun again. I can say this with certainty... my mood, thinking and feelings are certainly in line with the weather today.

May you know that I am not nuts! Ha.

May you connect with your 'nuttiness' when it's truly what is real inside of you. May you hear it and allow it with gentleness, intelligence and love.

May we both honor our own (and others') truth, power and inner knowing today and every day.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!