Be U: Mental

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Mental

I feel too mentally and physically tired to share and write about all the 'business' going on in my life. My very sick dog that I can't seem to get an easy answer to is the most 'in my face' today. Perhaps, it's just because there is no easy answer. I, perhaps, had a total of three hours of sleep because of my concern for my Little Bear. I tell myself that I don't do well on little sleep.

I'm still looking for a new house. I have looked at homes near the beach and homes where we used to live on a golf course. I ordered my new car today. My husband and I are settling into a routine and enjoying each other's company (most of the time)! And, settling in temporary is not what comes easy to us.

The Christmas holiday is not 'as usual' for me and it is loving and, nonetheless, I do feel serene joy in the air. The reason for the season, for me, is to share a deeper closeness, a stronger love, and to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And, it is a wonderful mainstream consensus, to take time out from our regular schedules to just be with others, share love and just hang with each other's energy more openly and without an agenda to move on to the next 'errand' or 'job' or 'chore'; to just be together enjoying the moments. How lovely, peaceful and joyful the thought of this feels to me already.

Today, I feel much 'stress' inside of my body. This stress most likely comes from my created fear of the worse possible scenarios I am allowing my mind to wander to. I am also knowing resistance of what is.

I don't want a sick dog. I want to be more settled. I want more ease within and between us as a whole. I don't want our world to be in such a quick evolution that most cannot focus or feel ease and/or completion in many areas of our lives. And, like I tell my daughter on many occasions, "you can't always get what you want".

So, let's accept what we have; what we don't have; what we don't know and what we know. Let's just accept us as we are today right now in our life. This is US living Life. Let it be. Let you be okay just as; just where; just who; just what; and just why.... just for this moment...

May you believe that how you are right now is perfect for you and perfect for our world and as we move on from this 'perfection' in all it's imperfection... we create our new world together. Everything you do ripples out to us. Everything we do, ripples out to you.

May we 'ripple' with as much peace, joy, acceptance (as possible) with exactly what we are living/processing through from deep within our being.

Ripple well.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!