Be U: Cards

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Cards

As I get ready for my husband to come and 'move in' and work from here at his new office; as I feel the huge challenge of our world's issues becoming more compressed; as I pray for my dog to heal and not be permanently damaged from her spine... as I acknowledge many being forced to change habits, ways and thoughts, I pick 3 tarot cards. (lol)   I feel like I'm supposed to say, I put on my 'cape and become a super hero' and, instead, I say ' I pick 3 tarot cards'! lol

The three cards I was drawn to are as follows:

Four of Staffs
"Tarot Wisdom: Fire is energy, in this case the energy of love and passion. Four is the number of physical manifestation. This card depicts a structured and enduring passion.   It could refer to a marriage, a partnership or another relationship that is meant to endure."

Four of Coins
"Tarot Wisdom: You are being overly concerned about physical wellbeing, whether health or wealth. the message suggests that you are holding back on spending money or energy. If things are out of kilter in your life the card appears like a slap on the hand to remind you to regain a more balanced perspective.

Death
"Tarot Wisdom: .... death is necessary in order to make a fresh start.   We must allow the old to pass away so that we can usher in the new. Initiation into the mysteries involves the death of one's old self. We see this necessary death also in the myth of the moon god, who dies every lunar cycle in the new moon and is reborn again. This cycle of death and rebirth is the essential theme of the alchemical process. We go through many deaths in life every time a phase or cycle comes to an end. Jobs, relationships, health, wealth, spiritual growth - all these involve endings and beginnings. The trick of keeping steady on the path is knowing when it is time to let go, and allowing Death to claim what it should. Mourn and give what is passing its due, but do not linger in the grief. Something new is rising on the horizon.

"Tarot Wisdom" from the book "The Alchemical Tarot" by Rosemary Ellen Guiley and Robert M. Place

May you let go of what is holding you back; may you trust that where you are is exactly where you need to be; may you be open to creating a nice balance and may you know endurance as you walk on and, hopefully, follow your passion(s).

Unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!