Be U: Cool

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Cool

What a beautiful evening here in South Florida, USA. It is cool, 61 Deg. F, and sunny and blue skies. It is 5:15 p.m. and Tiffany and I just went for a walk. She was running and wanted to stay out long. We walked past our door as we started around the block again. Tiffany has been so good and patient allowing me to love and deal with Little Bear for the past month. Tiffany has done this with me before when Little Bear had her first back operation in 2009. She was down and out for over two months. She did come back strong and they have gotten real used to playing with each other and running and just hanging with each other. They are good buddies.

My cockatiel Sunshine wanted to come in and she squawks softly until I bring her in from the patio. She even tells me what to do!   lol    When she doesn't want me to spray her with a light water shower she gets onto the back of her cage. She knows this is the 'safe zone'! lol   When she wants her 'bath', she comes close to me and opens her wings and enjoys the spritz of water! She really enjoys the 'backyard' every day. I enjoy her daily.

I don't have my fish with me and I surely do miss watching them. We will see what house I find if I can bring the tank down or not. I guess the Koi fish will stay up north in their habitat in the backyard. I hope the people that buy the house will enjoy them as much as I did every day. They are very relaxing to me. I loved climbing around and playing in the pond cleaning it out and seeing what new growth grew on the plants and what babies would 'materialize' regularly. I even had a frog that would take a nighttime swim in the pool and then go back to the pond. Hoot!

So, as I am so grateful for this magnificent weather; as I am so grateful for my animals and being able to spend so much time with them; as I'm grateful to slowly be transitioning into a 'real' life here in Florida, I know it is not how I imagined it to be. And, I know that it IS. This is what is most important.

Right now in this moment, I am trusting the process of life. I believe that I will find a happier, more fulfilled way. Until then, I choose to be content and loving to all that I touch as much as I know how.

I choose to be me as true as I can.   I choose to think happy thoughts on each situation I find myself in. I choose to believe that I am exactly where I need to be. I am me.   Perhaps, this is what matters most.

May you choose to be you in every situation you find yourself. May you realize there may be good and not so good in each situation; sometimes downright bad.   Yet, through it all, YOU ARE OKAY IN THIS VERY MOMENT.

May you walk on from this OKAY MOMENT...

This is up north. Too cute!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!