Be U: One of Those Days

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Monday, January 28, 2013

One of Those Days

I had a terrific weekend with my family. My daughter did great at the horse show and my husband was in town to enjoy it with us. How lucky I felt being with them on a sunny day; all of us content.

Today, I have a quiet house that looks and feels like a hurricane hit it and I'm just going around around putting it in some sort of semblance that makes me most comfortable.

It's a beautiful day here in South Florida, USA. The sun is bright; the sky is blue and the temperature is warm. I had a big lizard (big to me anyway) visit me at my back patio twice this am. It let me get close to snap it's picture. What an interesting looking creature. I felt like it looked right at me and I mentally told it I would not harm it. Then it ran off the way it came.

I'm 'spinning' some in my head. It seems that while I've been mostly alone these past two weeks; I seem to more easily get myself situated into a happy routine and then my family comes and wants me to do this or make that or help with this or be with that and I want to please them as much as I can. I lose who I am. I feel pulled and pushed; this part I'm not thrilled with.   Only I allow it; only I can create it to be what works best for me.

So, while I gave up some of my personal plans (or changed them around), it was nice sharing time with my loved ones. I want to not give up my personal thoughts and still fulfill their wants and desires while fulfilling my own.   I'm not sure how to do this. I must have been absent the day this was taught as a lesson.   I am still learning this. I hope to learn it sooner because I know I will feel empowered and strengthened by fulfilling my own needs along with others. I truly do not know how I'm going to do it and I know that I am.   I think exercise is going to be my changing game point. I feel once I take some classes, do movement on a regular, happy basis - this is going to allow me to feel like me and all else will fall into place.

I used to go to bed excitedly waiting for the next day that I can get up and exercise again. It made me feel that good. In fact, I never (back then) imagined that it wouldn't be a huge part of my life. I was wrong. Becoming a mother, facing illness and taking on bigger responsibilities by having many animals and huge homes took me away from it.   I allowed it. I created it. I participated in it fully. If I didn't, it couldn't have happened; I believe.   It would have been the best ride ever if I didn't lose myself in it. I take full responsibility.

I now am going to allow movement to become huge in my life again and I'm going to create strength, beauty and love of life, which is what I believe exercise can do for me.

I just have to get my body to agree, respond and get on with it! Ha.

I'm closer than I've been in several years. I think my last bout of long term and continued heavy exercise was when I fell in love with Bikram yoga (hot yoga) and again found the wonderful anticipation of doing it again the next day immediately after I had just completed a class. My child was in grade school then. She just graduated from her senior year earlier this month. That's a loooong time ago.

The only other thing that I loved doing this much was the beach.   I'd be leaving the beach looking forward to doing it the next day.

Ahhhh, to love what one is doing.   Best LIFE any of us could give ourselves.

May you be doing what you love as best you can for today and strive to create your life as the life that you love living.

I believe we are all entitled to this; we only have to choose it, own it, work for it, allow it and know that we are born ABLE to create this; in every cell of our being. (That's all we have to do!?!?!?!?) And, this does mean you too, yes! Ha.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!