Be U: Life is for Living

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Life is for Living

During a conversation yesterday, I asked a dear friend, whom I've known for many decades, how she thinks she would live her life if everyday she felt like she had a terrible flu and fingers that made it difficult to do daily things.... (I asked because I'm trying to find different ways to look at things.)

She replied:
"I don't have an answer because as much as I try, I have no idea what it's like
to be in constant pain and "live" life as it was meant to be lived."

What first went through my head was ... "there is no help for me"...
THEN
I thought..."maybe life just wasn't meant for me to live it in the way I believed
living it was....mmmm..
There has to be many different ways to live it....."

I then thought "genius" ... this is genius!

What if we don't have to live life the way we grew up thinking life was meant to be lived?

Just what if we can live life to the fullest now in whatever way we can dream up and find what works best for us, with the person we are now; whatever that may be.

I think I'm supposed to be happy in the same way I used to when I thought of my life happiest. To try to reenact this and compare myself now to my happiest past was creating stress, sorrow and hardship for myself.

I am not the same when I used to be in the work force 20 years ago. This doesn't mean I am not good or that I'm not capable. What if I'm better. Oh, wouldn't that be something!

So, maybe now I can give myself the freedom to let go of what I accomplished, loved and shared back then and accomplish, love and share what I can now.

Oh, what a concept! Ha.

What does living life mean to you now? What did living life mean to you in the past? Is there something you want to change?

What if really living is about changing with what is from time to time and incorporating differences and, perhaps with greater flexibility, of what we can do now. There has to be something we are better at now and maybe there is something that we no longer enjoy. Maybe we can accept this as our truth and believe in what is possible now.

Anything is possible if we truly believe it to be. Isn't it?

May you strive for your wildest possible dreams and know there is nothing to lose especially if we haven't had it yet.

DREAM ON! LIVE ON! BE U ON!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!