Be U: Happy Thanksgiving Day 2011

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Day 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Day.

I started the day thinking how 'off' it felt; how much I wanted to be all together making a dinner, together walking the dogs, together listening to music and together feeling content.

I got several texts from people saying Happy Thanksgiving Day and they were doing an exercise class with their kids; outside looking for deer, cutting turnips, putting the turkey in the oven, driving to their family's houses, or already where they were going to be spending the day.

I was feeling off because I was walking the dog by myself, not getting up early because someone else was cooking the meal (and the shopping), not knowing what time people were going to show up and who they were going to bring.

I realized I was making myself feel alone, grumpy and miserable.

How lucky I am to have a beautiful, safe and warm home to wake up in. How lucky I am that I didn't have to do the shopping or the preparing of the meal (and it smells delicious). I love going for a walk and then coming in and smelling the flavors of all the courses cooking together. My husband is right here for me and completely supportive and willing to listen, hear and discuss all my thoughts that I can come up with to learn what we are all about. I have family and friends that put up with me and all my questions, comments, and truth that makes them sometimes be out of their comfort levels because of the depth I ask them to go with me.

I look forward to sitting at a beautiful table with delicious (and plenty) of food with our small group of people here wanting to be here and feeling completely comfortable together and supportive of one another. We will go around the table and state what we are thankful for. We will be comfortable in silence. We will be joyful with laughter.

Right now, I am thankful that I am seeing reality and liking what I see. I am, everyday, creating the reality that I want to live in, love in and share in. I am getting out of my head of how it used to be; how it's not the same; how it would be better if.... IT'S GREAT JUST AS IT IS NOW, TODAY. AND I TOTALLY BELIEVE THIS.

I have love, I have comfort, I have hope and I have today. I have past experiences that have made me who I am. I have future experiences coming that I will love and others that I will be okay through no matter what.

We are all here today being the best people we know how to be in this moment. It is enough.

May you enjoy this Thanksgiving for how it is, just as it is. May you know thankfulness, be comfortable and be true with the people you find yourself with. These are most likely very special people in your life. Allow them to be them as you bring the real you to the table. Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing. It can open up so many new doors, windows, and vents.

My wish is that you make today a loving day that will make you smile always.

theholidayspot.com

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!