Be U: A Letter from a Dad to His Daugther on Prom Night

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, May 27, 2011

A Letter from a Dad to His Daugther on Prom Night

This is an excerpt from a letter that came to my attention. It was too beautiful not to share. This is from a father to his daughter on her prom night. Enjoy.

Life, through my own experiences, has taught me that many times I have without thought put myself in jeopardy of not being safe (actually several times being totally unsafe) while I was in the pursuit of happiness. Most, if not all, people face these same circumstances early in life (and throughout our life). Many teenagers find themselves in this exact type of circumstance during prom night, but they don’t realize it until it’s too late. They unknowingly drift into unsafe circumstances. Many times those circumstances are intentionally created by others in a way that is not obvious to others.

Your mother and I have the utmost confidence and respect for you. You have always shown us that you are very aware of the circumstances in which you find yourself, and you make good choices. The couple of times where you drifted into questionable situations, you identified them as such immediately following the situation, you talked to your mom about them and hopefully used them as a learning experience. You have never given us reason to not trust you; and therefore you will have our trust until we have reason not to, if ever.

You are mature beyond your age. You have good instincts. You have good judgment. One of the reasons you have these attributes is because your mother and I try not hold you back from the world because of our fears, we give you freedom, a level of freedom many parents wouldn’t give their child.

You know right from wrong, good from bad. But many times there are not bright lines separating those two sides. The area in between is fuzzy..it’s not clear where good ends and bad begins. It is only your own experiences that allow you to develop your own perspective of where those lines exist for you as a person, as a member of society, and as a member of a family. The key as you are developing that perspective is to not stray too far, too fast. And many times that happens when older, or less mature, or more troubled kids pull a person to a place they won’t normally go themselves. Please continue to have the confidence in your own beliefs to know where that line is drawn for you, and it’s ok for the line to be drawn in a different place by someone else for themselves. If at ANY time, you feel you are becoming uncomfortable and the situation doesn’t turn in a direction that you want, please call us. We’ll get you anytime, anywhere.

My heart is pounding. It’s excited for you. It’s scared for me and your mom. We’re scared that if we make a mistake, today or any day, that it could have lifelong negative implications for you…literally it could damage you for life. Dramatic yes, but possible. We’ve seen it happen to other families.

I so want you to have a SAFE and HAPPY time at prom. I am proud of the person you have already become.

Love Dad

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!