Be U: Happy Beginning of Summer Fun

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Happy Beginning of Summer Fun

Happy Memorial Weekend. The beaches, lakes and parks gets packed as this weekend represents the beginning of summer for us here in the Northeast region of the United States.

The weather (high 80s) is certainly making it so. My body feels calmer in the warm hot weather. It's interesting how some of us feel better in the heat and others like the cold. It seems like it's more than just a preference. Our bodies actually respond differently. I had one winter long ago where I remember jogging through Valley Forge National Park and jumping over the ice and loving it. Not affected negatively by the cold. However, only one winter can I remember not letting the cold disrupt or interfere with my life. Why was I able to be okay in this one winter.

Why do I feel such a more alive, happy me in the higher temperatures with the sun out than I do in the cold weather with many days of no sun. It's just the way I roll I suppose.

Anyway, I certainly am starting to feel more alive, happy and excited to go outside and enjoy life. I am so grateful for this. I do hesitate when I find myself not able to turn on the hose or gather sticks in the yard easily. I do get frustrated when I can't pull the trash bag out of the can because I cannot grasp it easily to pull. However, slowly, I find a way or I ask for help. I'm learning to accept that this is just my life and I know it could be so much worse.

So, as the summer rolls in, I find myself hopeful and excited for what the days will bring. I am grateful to go out back with my dogs and play in the green grass. Listen to the birds sing at 5 am when they are just waking and the light is coming. I am grateful to be able to just walk out back and my body be calm because I don't freeze and get a chill and tense up. I enjoy every step outside with all the 'aliveness' and growth of the trees, plants, and flowers. (unfortunately, the weeds thrive too!)

The frogs are croaking at the pond; the fish are swimming anxiously awaiting to be fed. The water in the pool is blue, clear and inviting. The squirrels are at the bird feeders and jump and run when the dogs dart for them.

Ah, summer. I love the aliveness of it. Sunrise and the warmth of the sun is healing for me. Wait, I think I hear the ice cream truck! Ooops, false alarm. It was just in my head!

Our heads are a powerful thing. It can make us believe things that are not true. It can tell us things we need to know and keep us safe from the wrong step. Sometimes, it can get too noisy and learning how to quiet it and keep it present is a true gift.

So, as summer approaches, I feel grateful, hopeful and happy that all is right in my world. I got this. It's all about each and every minute; the small things, the over the top things; the happy things and the sad things. I am trying to accept it all and let life flow through me and know that I have the tools to handle and be okay with everything life throws at me.

I give myself permisson to feel whatever I need to feel; to share whatever I need to share; to ask for whatever I need to ask for; and to love with abandonment. I give myself permission to walk through my many fears and to follow my inner knowing with love and hopefulness knowing I will be okay. I give myself permission to fail at things.

My wish for you today is to do things in spite of fear and have no regrets for at least trying.

I hope we find ourselves happily proud that we do the best we can with what we know and with what we are able to do and even what we are able not to do. To not fail pretty much means we are not trying everything we want to experience. Go for it all with gutso and live and learn and grow. Just BE U and there is nothing better for humankind.

I think this is the pep talk I need right now. So please know this is a lecture to myself that I hope does something positive for you as well.

"GROW ON" Oprah Winfrey

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!