Be U: Getting Ready

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Getting Ready

I'm getting ready for a 7 day trip to Palm Springs, California, USA. My husband is coming with me; it changes everything....! Where I fly into; a 5 day trip turns into a 7 day trip. We fly first class. We rent a convertible. We go out to dinners. Usually I go and just have a quiet, relaxing, get healthy and focus on me type of trip.   Both trips are great. I am lucky. Yes, I am trying to talk myself into this thought because right now my head feels all over the place. This getting ready part of the 'trip' does not feel lucky. Once I get my head in the correct 'game', I will be good. I will be great, even. It will be different from the last five years I have taken this trip; however, I am grateful to have his strength, openness and company.

I'm also getting ready in the beginning of November to go to South Florida and move our furniture/artwork that has been in storage for 3 years into a lovely apartment - An apartment where I am not responsible for much of the maintenance at all. This is something every cell and fiber of my being is looking forward to.   An extremely low maintenance abode. -- and with palm trees all around it.   THIS MAY BE HEAVEN ON EARTH FOR ME!

I also have a 'visitor' at my home. Diesel, a pit bull/bulldog mix. Full of energy and love. My home is transformed into quite a different place to accommodate for him, with my other animals and our regular structure. He is a lovely dog and he belongs to my daughter's boyfriend who I want to support and help. Hence, a 3 week visit!

So, there is a lot going on around me. I am finding it hard to write about because it's not all about me. I do not want to offend or 'step on' anyone's privacy. I'd like to continue to try to honor all living people and creatures.

My life is transforming right in front of my eyes. I am a very aware participant. I am very excited, and somewhat scared.

I talked to my therapist about keeping ME while being around others and the world. It's very easy for me to stay centered and focused on my needs when no one else is around. It's quite a different story when I let others enter my world. Yet, I am a better, happier woman when I have others in my world. I am working on living my truth while hearing and caring for others' truths as well.

So, as I go about creating a new world for me to be in; I want to stay honorable and present to my own, along with others', needs. I'd like to co-create peace/love/togetherness with everyone I encounter. All I can do is try.

May you be willing to try your best in co-creating a nice truth with people you encounter today.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!