Be U: STOP

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

STOP

Perhaps, we all could use the valuable tool of STOP! STOP what we are doing and just change it up in one way; at the very least. There is abundant chaos, horrific information, hurt, anger and fear in our world. I almost can't breathe at times.

I'd like us all to STOP immediately doing things as usual and change one thing up right now today that will change the path of our world. Just what if it really could! Change one thing to pleasure and lightness today and my hope is that this pleasure and lightness will abound and darkness and pain will dissipate; and quickly, would be preferable.

Live your truth; be vulnerable in the right places through your truth and trust that you have everything you need to carry on beautifully. Perhaps, start with your family dynamics. Lovingly, speak your truth of how you are feeling and the way the world (even within your household) is affecting you just now. Tell them how you'd like it to be; your ultimate happy picture of how you would best be at your happiest.

I am STOPPED. I am waking up in the morning and going to bed at night. I confer with many people through the day, mostly electronically, and I'm afraid to go out into this world that feels so dark just now. AND, GO OUT I WILL. I plan on getting in the car and driving; letting the windows down and blasting the music. I'm going out for enjoyment today and I will not let fear, darkness and uncertainty stop me.

The pained must be loved and the loved must be giving if we are to live a better, happier, stronger, lovelier life. I know I want to.

If you are in the position to give one extra smile today, please try it - you just may like it. If you have no smile in you today, be open to feeling your lips curve up and wonderful chemicals release into your system and honor what and how you feel today. You are 'here' for a real reason. You are not making up the way you feel. Listen to yourself, hear and respond in the manner that best brings you connected to your truth.

STOP, FEEL, CARRY ON in one way that is different for you today. Do it for yourself, your loved ones, your world and for me, please.

I need the world to feel, do, and live better. I need this now today. Please help me.

May you STOP, search, and do one thing that makes you know you have it going on because it makes you feel good!

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!