Be U: Hanging Out

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Hanging Out

Snow is possibly on its way for the first time this year. Not much; just a couple of inches. The beauty of snow falling and making every thing white is enjoyable to me. As a child, I would be out there for hours building snowmen, having snowball fights, building forts; and making snow angels. We got to be pretty good at it; all the kids from the neighborhood.

When 'they called' for snow; I got pretty excited getting up every so often during the night to see how much was laying on the ground and praying that there would be no school! I'd look up at the streetlight and watch it come down.

I didn't worry about shoveling; although I helped. I didn't worry about slipping and sliding; I looked forward to it.

It wasn't until I was in 10th grade that I started realizing that my fingers hurt terribly in school during the winter months. Then, however, I thought it was normal and every one else must be feeling the same thing. Youth, right?

So, here I am in January in Northeastern Pennslvania, for the first time in probably over 20 years, waiting to see if it's going to snow. If it doesn't, I'll be heading up to the Pocono Mountain area to visit my aunt. If it does, it's kinda cool. (i'm trying here)

Of course, a path for the dogs will have to be made as well; depending on the depth of the snow.

I am very fortunate I don't have to do it. I don't think that would work out too good.

I am finding that I can go out and not suffer immediately. I can be out there and it not bother me immediately. I am grateful for this. However, it is not long before my nose is ice cold and my fingers are burning and numb and my whole body starts to shiver and I run back inside (unfortunately less than 7 minutes or so; but it is not upon stepping out like it has been previously) I do love walking on the hard ground. I do love breathing in the air. I feel sorry for the poor fish stagnant in the freezing water. There is a bubbler in there to keep air in the winter and so that it doesn't freeze solid. They surely don't move much. It's amazing how they survive. Nature; it can be such an unknown, beautiful, mysterious, and breathtaking thing. It surely is a gift to connect to and watch.

It's not always great to be in the middle of it. On the other hand, however, it can be so awesome to be right in the middle of it. Just like our lives, I suppose.

So, next time you find your self 'hanging out'...

My wish is that you enjoy yourself right where you are.

Sent to me in an email.

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!