Be U: Everyone Else Has it Together..... Is this true?

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Everyone Else Has it Together..... Is this true?

I've contemplated this one for days now. It hits real deep with me and it scares me some.

I'm discovering that I have this belief, alot of the time, that everyone is going about doing what they want to do and they are happy and have it all together. They are living their lives the way they want to and not having struggles and/or hardships. Even as I type this, I know this to be false. I do believe that deep down this is, perhaps, the way I grew up thinking. Everyone was more together, more happier, more content than I. everyone had it right, but me. Something was wrong with me.

I'm realizing this is a mind game of mine and I no longer want it - not even close to me or in any part of any one of my cells. I want to get rid of it completely. I took on this belief when I was very young and just never questioned it. It felt so true, because I thought it was.

I know that other people have issues, problems, struggles. Alot of times they are different from mine; sometimes they are similar. I know this because there are alot of wonderful people that are brave enough to share them with me.  My feeling is I sometimes want to fix them and the reality is they can only fix themselves. I can only find peace within myself. We all have it deep within; it's all about connecting to it in our own way that works for us.

I remember walking the beach for many years many moons ago and looking at the horizon thinking 'I know my answer is out there somewhere'. I now believe that my answer(s) is right here inside of me not outside of me.

Wouldn't it be great if we could be there for each other as we were all looking for peace and love and an honest bonding with each other and in the world.

Instead of closing down and feeling all alone and burdens so heavy that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning; just, what if, I knew and could feel and touch and share with others the openness of the real us.

I found this show on MTV that says If you could know the real me, this is what you would see........ I think it would be heavenly if we didn't feel we had to put our masks on before we head out into the world and were lovable and 'enough' just to be ourselves.   No, I don't want everyone walking around moping and crying and down. We have a whole gamut of emotions as humans. And, on occasion, I'd love to be able to just hug a person that is feeling this way and perhaps just for that moment we can each feel the connection that invigorates us as humans. Instead of walking around - hi how are you - okay - and how are you - fine, I think it may be nice if we could really see each other and still go about our day, but to just share that we care about each other, I think, goes a long, long way.

I'm reminded of a time that I said to a stranger that one of my dreams was that we could all just get along. She came back, surprisingly to me, 'that will never happen'. Wow, I was somewhat shocked. When my shock wore off I thought - that will never happen if we all think like that!

So, even if just for today Know that we all have struggles, we all have things that rocked our world in easy, exciting ways and in not so easy, nor exciting ways. Know that you are lovable and worthy of your time because you are here on purpose. If you were hurt as a child, it was not because you were unworthy or unlovable. It's because the adults in your life were doing the best they could with what they knew. (maybe it wasn't too much, but you were always lovable)

You are lovable and you are worthy and you deserve peace, harmony, and whatever brings you happiness. There is an over-abundance of this in this world and it's okay to grab it for yourself. There will always be enough for everyone.

I believe the angry people are the ones that need our love the most. If you can't offer them anything, it's okay. Just know that you don't deserve their anger.

(I started off where I thought I was going; I know I didn't end anywhere near I thought I would go. But it is what it is and I'm trusting that this is where I was supposed to end up.)

What question comes in your mind for you to ask yourself.  Perhaps, it's time to look at the reality of your question and the answer. Time for a new way of thinking from within. Go for it. You are worth it and so is our world.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!