Be U: Travel

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Travel

I'm traveling to CA from the east coast of the United States in a few days. My mind is pretty much traveling already, however. I think my mind has one leg on the east and one leg on the west. This means, to me, that I am not fully grounded either place.

I'm trying to get things situated, worked out, and 'complete' for everyone that I'm leaving behind. I'm also trying to get prepared and charged up for everything that I want to do there.

What is a woman to do?? I'm going to a conference about Mind, Body, Spirit, Exercise and it is just what I want to do; what makes me happy; what helps to make me whole.

Instead of being on both coasts at one time in my head; I'd like to set aside time for this coast and sometime for that coast so I don't feel so scatterbrained and confused. The Power of Now would be a really great principle to work with now.

My old habit doesn't work this way. I'd like a new habit to form and work this way smoothly. I'd like it to happen with no work on my part; and I believe I have to do the work. Also, being in between 'bases' can be very exciting; and very scary for me.

I will tell myself when I'm focusing on here 'stuff' - there is nothing I need to do right now about there - I'll get to 'there'. Right now I will concentrate solely on what I want to do on this end. Lists would probably be a pretty good idea for some. I was never really a 'list' person.  Part of me thinks it takes time from getting the jobs done. I do believe my mind would be more at peace with lists because these thoughts could be out of my head perhaps.  Maybe one day I'll be ready to try that. Right now, I know what needs to be done; so I'll do it being fully present. Okay, Breathe, relax my body and let go.

Ahh, that's nicer for me. Tonight, I'll give some time to where I'm going and what I'd like to bring for that.   It's all in my control. It will all work out. I trust that it will all work out so I can let the shallow breathing go and the sporadic thoughts go and focus on this moment.

Wow, what a way of getting here. However, I am so grateful I'm here. Feels much better inside my body!

Are you giving yourself permission to do one thing at a time? Or is your mind doing a couple of things right now? Is your mind still on a task you have previously done? Is your mind on a task you are going to do? How would it feel for you to just have your mind on the task at hand?  Dare to try it? You can always go back to multi-tasking anytime you want.

Day Two

I have to admit. This is just the beginning of my work on this subject. I am not doing very well. My mind is including dinners, dogs, schedule for here while I'm away. My mind is also focusing on what I need to pack, the people I want to meet up with, driving to and from the airport, even my meals. None of this has to do with the Now really. I have a long way to go with this one.

I can only try to keep bringing myself back to what is happening now; what needs to be done now. However, I'm finding myself somewhat paralyzed and not smoothly making this transition.

I used to travel alot. In the past year, this will be my third time. I used to go monthly for many years. This is the new me learning how to travel a new, exciting, easier way. OK, universe, help me please. ha.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!