Be U: Where to Begin

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Where to Begin

What beautiful weather the northeast coast of the United States has been having. Perfect weather. Nice breezes, low humidity, warm sunshine, beautiful landscaping. I see different shades of green, flowers of pink, red, orange, purple, and a beautiful blue sky. I look outback and see the waterfall flowing into the koi pond. I see the healthy, happy leaves blowing in the breeze. I see the sun shining on the trees. It is glorious. The beauty of nature is awesome!

I think we are nature. Our forms are nature. We come from nature and we go back to nature. We must be awesome too. I had a beautiful experience today finding me. I feel connected to me; connected to my body. I feel free to be me.

I had my usual two hour a week massage and I gave up something today. I gave up my darkness; I gave up my suffering; I gave up my negative thoughts and negative feelings. I felt what came up and I let it go. The past as many years as I can remember; I felt these things within myself but then fear would rear it's ugliness and keep me stuck. Fear would come up when the masseuse would put (what I thought was too much) pressure on a muscle or a body part and I'd run away in my head or shut down in my body. I was really good at doing both. I was very good at not feeling. Feeling, I thought, was too hard. Easier not to feel.

Today, even if it is just for today, I like feeling. Feeling is good. Without it, I can't be happy, can't be joyful, can't feel wholeness.

If I gave up 'darkness' only for today, I am grateful. I want to let it go and just pass through me if it must. I do not want to allow it to linger for too long. I prefer happiness, light and joy over sadness, dark and sorrow.

Good vs. Evil. Good will always win if we get out of it's way! Just let it happen. Feel whatever it is you are feeling and know that it's real for you and it's okay that you feel this way. Then decide how it feels on you and in you. If it feels good, happy, wonderful - keep it. If it feels bad, sad, horrible - let it go. Take a baby step toward change and step into the real you.

What are you feeling in this moment? Do you choose to keep it or let it go? You have the power to choose, to change, to really live. Do it for you. Do it for me. Do it for the people that love and need you. Do it to better mankind!
(okay, maybe I went a little too far on this one? ha!)

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!