Be U: Past Present Future

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Past Present Future

It is said that we can't live in the past, we can't live in the future. We can only live in the now and that is why we call it the present.

But... many of us certainly try... Ha.

We live in the now through our past experiences. We may live in the future thinking of the possibilities. Our dreams are created in the now yet can be through wishes of what could have been in the past and what is possible in our future.

"Be Here Now" has been a famous book by Ram Dass. A very unique book that is still very popular and has a lot of interesting wisdom.

"The Power of Now" is a powerhouse book by Eckert Tolle that is such a fabulous read that I've read it three times. Each time, the present was most aligned through me deeply as I read it. It is often my go to book to get in touch with myself in each present moment and to open my heart and soul to my peaceful place that resides within me in this very present that I am speaking about.

When confusion sets in, I find myself asking myself 'what is my goal in this very minute'... This brings me into the present.

When I breathe and watch, focus and 'play' with my breath, I also receive the present.

When I feel myself here at the computer with my fingers going across the keyboard and my whole body being supported by my chair, this is my present.

Whatever you are doing, if you do it fully present with awareness and mindfulness in the whole of the experience, you give yourself the present.

The present of the now. The present of being here now. The present in participating in your life now, fully, as it is.

If you are folding clothes that just came out of the dryer, you can feel the warmth and smell the freshness. Present.

If you are cooking, you can notice the colors, the smells, the sounds, the combining of the meal. Present.

As you eat, you can focus on the smell, the texture, the color, the flavor; each bite. Present.

May You give yourself the present of living in the present; living in the now. Try it... You just might like it.

It is said that when one lives in the past, depression can take hold. When one lives in the future, anxiety can abound. When one lives in the present, one can fully experience it; invite peace and calm; open to joy and experience and learn from the past and it can build one's best future.

This, I wish for You.

May You have it going on... Now.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!