Be U: Stepping

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Stepping

As I woke up this morning and found myself in an uncomfortable place of feeling a bit insecure and a lot uncertain as to the next step I wanted and could imagine myself taking, I realized that

It is okay to be unsure.. not in the ‘know’ in this moment. It is ok to letting your next step be a non-step. It is okay to feel exactly how I was feeling because it is how I was feeling.

I am learning out loud and consciously, that no matter what I am feeling, I can still choose love and I can still help others. If I wait what I'm feeling out, the way I feel changes... always.

So, if you don't know your next step or you don't like how you are feeling, sit with it. Embrace it. Love and allow. Accept and breathe peace. Trust that where You are and how You feel is exactly how it is supposed to be for this moment and the Universe is always for You.

May You always be for You; loving yourself as deep and as best as You can in as many moments as You can.

Open to the You that You are in every breath, moment, experience. There is a real and, perhaps, even a magical reason for what is showing up inside of You.

May You be open to stepping as you honor the non-step that is present from within You (whatever shows up). As You honor ‘what is’, the 'stepping' is being created and these steps will be glorious and great; they are and will be yours.

As we honor the non-step as it presents itself, we consciously flow through/with it. We, perhaps, are gathering the wholeness of ourselves. This just may be preparing us for one of our most fun and prosperous steps ever.

Trust the process and trust yourself. Oh, the stepping You will do. !!

May You trust the ‘stepping’ of your truth.

There just may be a glorious, mind blowing transition/transformation and growth occurring during this time. I read recently we have good days and we have days of learning and change. Every day is a good day if we choose to look at it as so.

May you let the peace of You accepting yourself and the wholeness of You surround and encompass You.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!