Be U: Relentless

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Relentless

Relentless is a word that has been passing through my brain often lately.

We have had relentless rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain.... Nonstop; always dropping out of the sky... rain.

Relentless.

I go to dictionary.com to look up the meaning of Relentless.

I find synonyms for the word...

"determined; ferocious; fierce; harsh"

It can be used in different ways; apparently.

The rain has become somewhat harsh and unrelenting. I believe we are close to day 15 where the sun has not been out for more that a mere hello and then disappears behind the cloudy, rainy sky again.

The good news is that I feel our world is becoming less harsh in what is normal; what is 'right or wrong' on a broad spectrum; and what is the correct path to get to certain places.

We are learning that there are several paths to get to the same place. What once was normal isn't necessarily so anymore. What is right for one person may not be right for another.

I believe we are more open to allowing, hearing, believing and communicating through more open minds and more open hearts. I see this in many. I want to believe it is happening in more of us than less.

Many are showing their own vulnerabilities more. Many are supporting each other to do what makes each other happy. Many are accepting what was once taboo or very misunderstood from a kinder, softer, more open to understanding place.

We are realizing that love comes in all shapes, sizes, cultures, beliefs, and hearts.

We are realizing that love can be shared through different beliefs, ways, acknowledgements and passions.

The "Five Languages of Love" book by Gary Chapman comes to mind. He says there are five ways that we express and receive love and to know another's love language is to be able to share a stronger, most loving relationship with each other.

May we all be determined and, maybe, even fierce and ferocious in our own loving way(s) to let our love go deeply inwards along with reaching [way] far out. May you learn that it is okay to live from a loving place; relentlessly. The biggest reason being because that is who you want to be and how you want to journey forward and your desire from which to live your life.

Get on with your unstoppable, persistent, unfaltering and unshakable ability to be love.

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!