Be U: OverPower the Hurt

Coming for the Real You.

I'm hoping to share thoughts, fun and insightful information and aha moments with all to better serve ourselves and the universe.

My background is that of Executive Secretary for the local Electric company (11 years).

Certified Personal Trainer (since 1991) and Fitness Consultant for my own company, Beachin Bodies (6 years) and certified in Reiki and Nutrition with training in Cranial Sacral work, Tai Chi, and Meditation. Certified as a Professional Life Coach (2015); Minister at Universal Life Church (2016);

and, possibly, most important,

my own journey through illness and avenues, roads and roadblocks that I have taken to find the real me. (35 plus years).

The me that I was born as. The me that is the all-knowing. I believe the search is endless and we are here to learn and to love and to share it all.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

OverPower the Hurt

Please note: I write this after scrolling through Facebook and seeing a horrible image of outside sources inflicting horrendous pain on a helpless victim. It is something that I cannot unsee or unknow. A piece of me will always be destroyed by it and all of me will never ever think it is okay.

I find myself asking myself how can I, possibly, overpower the hurt in our world. I want to send out millions and billions of huge buckets of love. I want it to delve in; surround; encompass, pass through; sit at; and present itself into whatever is hurt, burdened, struggling or creating havoc and great hurt in our world.

I need the hurt to stop. I need the hurting to not hurt. I need hurt people to not hurt other people/animals/situations.

I want to put peace out so strongly that peace within everyone can happen.

I want to spread light into the darkest and scariest places.

I want the hurt to stop.

I want to do something - whatever it is that I can do - to overpower the hurt(ing).

There's too much pain. There's too much anguish. There's too many suffering. It is not what I want the world that I live in to be.

I believe that the unhurt, the kind, the love and compassion is more available than not. I believe that most humans - even the ones that are hurting - are not hurt to the point that they want or can only share hurt/pain/anguish with another. And, yet, I have seen and am aware of horrible suffering through extremely hurt people hurting innocent others. I cannot. I cannot breathe easily with this seeing and this awareness. It is extremely hard for me to find my own peace when recollecting or being aware of such tragedy.

I want the hurt/pain/anguish to substantially fall away and be replaced with self-love, self-esteem, self-compassion and an unique, individual and beautiful self-expression.

The pain and hurt are too much to bear. The struggles, hurt and anger are too ugly to know.

Please God, let me live the me that I am supposed to be to let my love reach and become what overpowers the hurt.

May you live the you that you are supposed to be to let your love reach and become what overpowers the hurt.

May this be the answer on how to overpower the hurt. May this be the answer now, as fully as possible and let the beauty of our own love be strong enough to support the ones that have known only hurt and ugliness.

May extreme hurt and horrid ugliness become a thing of the past today. May we all know, believe, and live a kindness that will overpower, withstand and change any hurt, meanness and ugly into a better way. A comfortable, open, healing and empowering flight of love to overpower the hurt.

May it be so. May the people that have this in them shine. May the ones that need it be open to knowing their own depth of their own love as given to them by and through their Creator/God at the time of their birth; with the innocence and the miracle of birth.

I just need the ugly, harsh, painful hurt to stop. May love win. May your love win. Love of self; love of others; love for each other; love for one another; love. Amen. And so it is.

unknown

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My Past Story

The first thing I would always tell a new doctor was 'my dad left me when I was 10'. He just disappeared, ran away. It was pretty awful for me. I thought it was my fault as most kids sometimes do. I thought I was unlovable. Years later, 20 maybe, I realized it wasn't just that my dad left me that affected my life, but also that my mom stayed. She stayed and I'll be forever grateful. However, her staying wasn't all peaches and creme. She was so hurt, so distraught, so frightened to raise three kids on her own and find a job that it was very hard for her to be there for me and my needs. I chose to shutdown, be quiet and try not to make it any harder on her as to not ask for much, or voice much, or need much.

Years later, in 11/12th grade, I noticed my fingers being really cold and hurting all the time. I noticed them turning purple and the pain was very 'loud'. Humorously enough, I had chosen to be a secretary and typing was a big part of my everyday. I loved it even. Fingers flying across the keyboard with as little mistakes as possible was the goal. I was pretty good at it. While in typing class, I remember putting my hands on my neck to try to warm them and make them feel better. I was naive enough then to think this must be happening to everyone.

Anyway, years went by and nobody was able to tell me why this was happening or what to do to make it better. Then, approximately 4 years later, I remember (what I felt) was little me sitting across from a really big doctor at his really big desk and him telling me I was allergic to myself. Of course, this was him describing to me what auto-immune meant. I had a disease called scleroderma and it could kill me (sometimes in as little as five years) and I would most likely be on medicine and have it for the rest of my life and there was nothing to change it.

Anyway, almost 30 years later, I've had my share of pain and I'm alive. I've had ulcerations on my fingers and I have lost most of my nails on both hands from lack of circulation and producing too much collagen. My hands are somewhat not a pretty sight and to hit something with one of my fingers by accident (well, I refer to the feeling as 'going to the moon).

When I was about 30, I started looking at alternative medicine and I tried anything that came across my path to try to stop the pain. I have tried many normal and not so normal 'ideas'. I sometimes do not believe at what lengths I went to try to ease my pain and suffering!

This is what has brought me here to this point in my life.

I'm grateful to be able to learn so much about myself and life and I wouldn't take it back (well, some days I might want to).

Something was telling me to blog. I really didn't know much about blogging - I am still a novice at best. Approximately 5 weeks ago, I sat at my computer and started typing.

I am surprised at where my blogs have led me. I thought I was trying to help others and that still is a big goal of mine. However, what I am finding out is that this is a great outlet for me.

A way to feel like I'm doing something. I told a friend this morning about my blog and I said that it's draining because I put everything out there and do not hold back as I post each individual blog; its fun because it does give me an outlet and I feel a little purpose in my life; and it's scary because I don't want anyone laughing at me or telling me that I am completely 'off my rocker'!